I've come to understand

Heard no more, a tale told
full of sound and meaning nothing
I heard you speak the last syllable
with no compassion, blankness,
contradictions

I am walking in life's shadow
doing the best that I can
all the sadness it causes
and the weeping
so pathetic, so dismal
and does it not seem to you
soon we will be forgotten
scouring the alley for food
and this is what

I ask for more justice
and less charity.

Spanish 101

Donde esta el bano?

dohn-deh ehs-tah ehl bah-nyo?

Where is the restroom?

This is a good question to know, well..when you need to know.

I didn't care for you

Here's a follow up song for the people I thought were my friends.
Just need to let you know.

Who will buy my memories

Well, 5 days just flew by, just like that, whiz, did you see them. The last few days just sucked. I'm unmarried, spent Memorial weekend pretty much alone. My son was with his dad. It sucked because we have done something on this weekend for the last 20 years, you know you get accustomed to it.

To all my friends who said get a divorce, it will make you life better, you can all go to hell. The marriage sucked, sure, but as much as we ignored each other, it was more fun than sitting on your ass at home. Cleaning, doing laundry, mowing.

Let me fore warn you. Don't believe the bullshit from your married friends. "Oh we will still invite you over, we'll always be friends, you guys getting a divorce won't change our friendship" This is crap! Married couples like to hang out with other married couples. It's human nature.

Sure I made the choice, I accept that. Just think really hard before you decide. Yeah, you can be very alone in the marriage, but at least you have people to hang with, parties, laughing, grilling out, amusement parks, etc. Sure its fake. Now we get to take turns wondering what our son is doing on the holidays when he's with the other parent.

Let this song explain..

Nothing is as perfect as it seems

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." In the movie The Wizard of Oz, the Wizard doesn't want to reveil who he really is. He doesn't want to let people down, he doesn't want them to see his flaws, that he is just an ordinary man and so he hides behind the curtain. Well, I am going to open my curtain a bit, get a little brave and share a little fiction.

I love to write. Most things I write I have never let anybody read.

My mind spins out sentences all day. Those sentences form fictional stories. Some with conflict and tribulation, others full of anguish. Most are full of emotions, some are intense, some are loving. (Well, at least I think they are!) So occasionally I will write some fictional paragraphs. Warning, I am not a professional writer, I just pretend to be one on my blog.

Expect the unexpected.

Let me define the moment..

Party's over

You came to me
in printed wrappings
with curled ribbon
and pink icing

The candle went out
the party hat wrinkled
elastic snapped

You can sing me no songs

The same, but not..

I take the stand in District Court. I'm nervous, but that shot of Butterscotch schnapps took the edge off. I answer Yes, yes, that is true, yes, so many times I stopped listening to the questions. Sometimes, when my lawyer talks, in my mind it sounds like an old vinyl 45 record going really slow. Blah, blah blah, blah. The judge says something and I am transported back to real time.

The Judge signs the divorce decree. Thank you you may step down.

Later we sit next to each other at a boy scout function. He doesn't bring it up. Doesn't say much. "Did the pop machine take a dollar?" he says.

We walk out with our son. He says, "Your going to the graduation party aren't you?" "Yeah" I say.
"Wanna ride together in my car?" he asks. "Yeah, okay" I say. Our son talks all the way during the 15 minute drive.

We get to the party, everybody is glad to see us, "Glad you could make it!" We visit with others, make small talk about our son. Laugh, tell funny stories for about an hour. "Hey, what's new?" my best friend asks.

"Not much, we got a divorce today" I say. "Really, wow you would never know! You guys act just like you always do,..hey did you try the dessert?" she says and walks away.

We drive home, no one talks, just like we always do. He drops us off. We say "See ya later" to each other. He leaves. Nothing has changed, but it has.

The Carnival's in town!

The Carnival is in town! Oh, yes with those rides your not sure are going to stay bolted together when your in it. "Hey Lady come on, throw the darts and win a prize" the carnival guy yells at me. The lady at the ticket booth is missing her front teeth. My son and I get on the scrambler. He's 7. The greasy haired man with the cigarette hanging from his mouth buckles us in. Both of his hands together only have one handful of fingers. Reed looks at the guys missing fingers and looks at me with this strange look on his face. He looks back at the carnival guy and while making that motion of cutting your throat with your hand he says "If you see me do this, it means I'm going to throw up, so you better stop" Carnival guy tips his head back and lets out a laugh. Cigarette ashes fall between us on the seat, and he turns and walks away. I knew we were screwed. He started up the big orange scrambler. Shit, never tell them you might throw up, if you do it becomes a game. Around, and around we go, my son is doing the CUT, Cut, stop the ride motion. Carnival man smiles and puts his fingerlesss hand on the lever and cranks it up faster. "Hail Mary full of grace" I start to say. Oh yeah, we are the only riders too. Reed and I are both about to lose it when toothless Carnival Ticket booth lady walks up and says "Hey Eddie, your old lady want you" Eddie slows the ride down. He walks off and Toothless lady unbuckles us. We stumble off and out through the little metal door. We are both so dizzy we can barely walk. We made it, Oh thank you God! I think we will be okay. Reed's friend runs up and shoves a big greasy funnel cake under his nose.
"Wanna bite?" he says? Reed glances my way and all I can say is "Hail Mary..."

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Scroll down.
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Imagine your at a parade right now. I'm in the red convertable smilin' and wavin'
Smilin' and wavin'

Thanks!

Las Vegas Information

Went to Vegas a couple weekends ago. Let me be your tour guide.
Hi! Welcome to Las Vegas.

You must eat the Buffet at the Winn.
Do not look at the price.
It is worth every bite.

See the show at the Mirage
Beetles Love.
Go to the late show. You can get better seats.

Dine at the Rum Jungle at Mandalay Bay.
Famous for the Largest Rum Selection.
Order the Rodizio @ $42.95 for dinner. That's for one.
Just write that down.
Take a risk.
You will NOT regret it.

Look Up

The sky is falling,
Blue pieces lie among the tulips
If I pick one up
And hold it to my eye
The world is simple.

Stars sparkle in the grass
I twist one into my hair
and run barefoot through
the sky.

When the sun shines down
Catch it
We'll toss it high
Where the sky once was.

Last Words

Feeling sorry
for the part of me
that doesn't fit
between notebook paper lines
guess the rest is in the margin
for all to punch holes in

when someone answers, "Well, you know,
and everything."
O yea,
"When ya ain't got nothin,'
Ya got nothin' to lose."
That's it.