Hurry

Only a day away
and the loneliness is unbearable
How will it be if you are a year gone?

What will happen
if I am not to know again
your warm arms
your shoulder next to my face at night
our quiet talks
your tender touch
and oh God

so many things.

Hurry

On second thought?

Card 2 outside

My father had a good
Line for tightwads.
He'd tell them "You're
So tight you squeak
When you walk."
Now It's up to me to
Carry on that tradition.

Card 2 inside

You're so tight you
Squeak when you walk.

Anonymously yours

A New Career?

2 weeks ago, they told 5 of us at work they were going to lay us off.
Every minute of everyday I think...I'm going to start something new. Here is my idea.
A line of Greeting Cards called Sounding off. Cards that say it like it is!
Heres an example..tell me what you think.

Card 1 outside
Something's Missing

Card 1 inside
Ah Yes, A couple of
Old wrecked cars
Sitting on concrete
Blocks would be the
Final touch to your
Tacky yard.

Anonymously yours

Not bad huh? View Card 2 tomorrow..

With Love

I have loved you

in so many ways

in crowds or all alone.

When you were sleeping beside me.

When you were away

I've imagined others watching you in the street

or worse--you in other peoples' arms.

I have seen the march of the beach birds and loved you.

I have lent myself to summer sun and loved you.

And seeing naked trees

and raising my collar to the wind

and counting the minutes till chartered hours were there

I have loved you.

And the questions never asked,

The answers learned at love's expense.

I've promised myself

I will not ask where you have been tonight

I'll only say hello

and hope.

Such is Life

I have been sitting here, staring at this blank white page. Wondering where I stepped on that big crack in life, the one that breaks your back.

Have you seen the show the Ten Commandment? Your know the part when Moses comes down the hill after seeing God and getting the Commandments. He's pretty mad at all the people below and how they are behaving? Following me so far??

Okay, he throws the Commandments, the earth opens up and people start falling in. Some are just hanging on to the edge, and you are thinking, shit that is not good. The fire and steam are coming up and people are screaming, and holding on for their lives...

My life is similar to that everyday..

Nobody knows

Sitting in front of the fireplace on the floor with my laptop. I promised myself I would write tonight, instead of catching up on Oprah and Dr. Phil on the DVR.
Trying to keep it together. Divorce truly would not be so difficult if you did not have a child.
I try to keep a normal family life for my son, by having his dad come over.

They play and read books. They sit in the big brown leather chair together, not really well, the chair is not big enough for both of them, but it doesn't seem to matter. His Dad gets him a snack and he digs around in the fridge, complaining I don't have any Caffeine Free Diet Coke.
I never drank it, he did and feels I need to have some for him.
He had dinner with us last night. Hopefully these things allow my son to feel he has a family.
It is so hard to do.

He reads my day planner, it sits open on the kitchen counter. He lets me know when his meetings are, which Saturdays he works, when he will be out of town.
He tells me about the functions and parties he is going to. He wants to make sure I don't have anything going on so I can watch our son.
The functions and parties I use to go to.
I am no longer welcome.
This has been the most difficult thing to get over, the social functions, drinks on the deck with our friends..his friends.
He is the Executive, the man of the town, volunteer, on the Hospital Board,and many different committees. He is the one that gets to go. He is the chosen one. How could any one divorce such a great guy they all say.

No more BBQ's, beers, and desserts on the patio sitting in the lawn chair. No more roasting marshmallows for my son. No more playing with all the kids.
People are judgemental, and it is so painful.
So lonely. I suffer each and everyday questioning the decision to divorce.
I wonder sometimes if this pain, lonely pain of being left behind, is better than the sadness I had in the marriage. I wonder if he feels like the words in the song, I'm missing you, Are his nights sad? Does he know the mistakes he made?
I swallow the lump in my throat, and smile at the two of them fighting with swords in the living room. Our son is laughing, he is defeating his dad.
At least I can give him that.
When I put him to bed, he cries for his dad,
And I cry for my son.

A Need

Wow, its Sept. already. I feel bad for not writing more. I enjoy writing and think all the time about writing a book.
I feel the need to tell people something. How to stop doing the wrong things in life. How to treat people correctly. How to make someone feel like they have worth. To teach people to do their best.

How to play the "game" at work because it's the only way to make it. Even if its not in your heart to be that way, I have learned you have to push that aside.
I would love to travel around, go to businesses and teach them how to treat their customers better. I want to teach waiters and waitresses, what the customers really want from you.
I feel the need to be a guide, a teacher.
I would like to change things for the better.

I want to begin, I want more time to do this. It makes me feel good.
But..I need an income, health insurance, 401K.
So I will keep going there, to that place where they treat people like nobody. They have no empathy. How do they sleep at night...