Left here on the shelf
you put me for safekeeping.
I sit here
always weeping.
Anger, pain, sorrow, rain
I burn with despair
Yes, I care
but now I can't
I won't
Sit here
dying, fading, crying.
Waiting for the fate
I can't
Love you or not
I go.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Walking down Memory Lane
Today, on my 45th birthday I reflect back. Birthday's of the past.
It was beautiful. Sort of a lime green, with a banana seat. It was a new bike. Of course at dinner last night there was discussion with my mother as to which birthday I received it on. "You got that for your 15th birthday" she said. "Mom, why would I get a bike at 15 when I would be driving at 16?" I said. "Well I have the pictures at home and I will show you I am right!" she exclaimed. "Okay" I succumbed to her. No point in arguing because you never win. It was the only bike I remember. It was my 10th, trust me.
My 16th birthday I had a party at the bowling center my parents owned. It was held in the lounge area in the middle of the afternoon. I decorated it and brought out my little stereo with black speakers. Invited 16 girlfriends. Lots of squealing and yelling like girls do. I remember some of my presents, I got alot of key chains. Do you remember the big plastic circle ones with the comments written on them? Saved a few. One had instructions on how to start a car. Plenty of stuffed animals. That was big, you have to remember this was 30 years ago. Nothing like how it is today.
My 19th birthday I bought a 1977 Jeep CJ5. Beautiful dark blue. Big tires, lots of Chrome. It was 5 years old. My first vehicle. Oh, you know me all too well. Yes, I still have it! It only has 66,000 miles on it. I am currently in the process of restoring it. The body rusted out, so I have a new body currently at the body shop. I have always wanted to put it in a car show. I remember paying $2,900 for it. Cash. Oh your seeing a trend huh, I am a saver...
My 21st birthday...I made a choice on this day, and I often wonder what path my life would have taken had I made a different choice. On this day I was given an engagement ring from a wonderful man. He lived in Pompano Beach Florida. We met the summer I turned 18. We dated long distance for 3 years. I flew to Florida and spent many summers with him. I went to his hometown in Wisconsin and met his whole family. (Even Grandma, who was very old and very Italian, who could only speak Italian, but made Lasagna you would die for.) It was a beautiful ring...I remember calling home. My parents asking me how I could even consider leaving my hometown and the family business. They promised the business to me again. They put me under their spell again, made me feel guilty for choosing anything but what they wanted. I remember telling him I could not accept it. I gave it back to him. (This was one thing I wasn't able to save) He was 8 years older than me and was not going to relocate to Nebraska, and I knew my place with him would be Florida. Regrets in my lifetime? This is it. I was in love with this man, and I regret the decision I made on that day.
My parents sold the business they had promised me, 17 years later.
The Revolving door lounge on my 22nd birthday. with a bunch of my friends, I sang Karaoke up on the stage. Don't be Cruel, by Elvis. Then they give you the cassette tape recording of it to take home. Yes, I still have it. Let me know if you want to hear it. This was a great birthday!
My 30th birthday, was a surprise party at my house. After being taken to the movie, I just wanted to come home. This is how it went. Opened the door, walked in, and lots of people I knew were standing around having cocktails in my dining room. I thought what the hell is going on? Nobody yelled surprise, nobody yelled Happy Birthday! It was strange. Whatever. Will never understand that one.
My 4oth I was in Puerta Vallerta with Chuck and our friends Susan and Nick. Too many marg's but oh so much fun. This was truly a relaxing vacation. Can some one bring me another Margarita please?
My 43rd birthday I saw Barry Manilow in Concert in Las Vegas. It wasn't exactly on my birthday, but it was in Celebration of my birthday. Brian had gotten prime seats on the stage ends. I danced with Barry Manilow. WOW! Won't ever forget it.
Happy 44th! was again spent in Las Vegas with Brian, who made all the arrangements. A terrific dinner, and oh the dessert. and tickets to see Rascal Flatts in concert. A very memorable birthday! I have enjoyed my birthdays spent with him. Thanks B!
Well I enjoyed reminiscing about my birthdays. Oh yeah, there were plenty more that were great, but these stuck out in my mind the most. Happy Birthday to me!
It was beautiful. Sort of a lime green, with a banana seat. It was a new bike. Of course at dinner last night there was discussion with my mother as to which birthday I received it on. "You got that for your 15th birthday" she said. "Mom, why would I get a bike at 15 when I would be driving at 16?" I said. "Well I have the pictures at home and I will show you I am right!" she exclaimed. "Okay" I succumbed to her. No point in arguing because you never win. It was the only bike I remember. It was my 10th, trust me.
My 16th birthday I had a party at the bowling center my parents owned. It was held in the lounge area in the middle of the afternoon. I decorated it and brought out my little stereo with black speakers. Invited 16 girlfriends. Lots of squealing and yelling like girls do. I remember some of my presents, I got alot of key chains. Do you remember the big plastic circle ones with the comments written on them? Saved a few. One had instructions on how to start a car. Plenty of stuffed animals. That was big, you have to remember this was 30 years ago. Nothing like how it is today.
My 19th birthday I bought a 1977 Jeep CJ5. Beautiful dark blue. Big tires, lots of Chrome. It was 5 years old. My first vehicle. Oh, you know me all too well. Yes, I still have it! It only has 66,000 miles on it. I am currently in the process of restoring it. The body rusted out, so I have a new body currently at the body shop. I have always wanted to put it in a car show. I remember paying $2,900 for it. Cash. Oh your seeing a trend huh, I am a saver...
My 21st birthday...I made a choice on this day, and I often wonder what path my life would have taken had I made a different choice. On this day I was given an engagement ring from a wonderful man. He lived in Pompano Beach Florida. We met the summer I turned 18. We dated long distance for 3 years. I flew to Florida and spent many summers with him. I went to his hometown in Wisconsin and met his whole family. (Even Grandma, who was very old and very Italian, who could only speak Italian, but made Lasagna you would die for.) It was a beautiful ring...I remember calling home. My parents asking me how I could even consider leaving my hometown and the family business. They promised the business to me again. They put me under their spell again, made me feel guilty for choosing anything but what they wanted. I remember telling him I could not accept it. I gave it back to him. (This was one thing I wasn't able to save) He was 8 years older than me and was not going to relocate to Nebraska, and I knew my place with him would be Florida. Regrets in my lifetime? This is it. I was in love with this man, and I regret the decision I made on that day.
My parents sold the business they had promised me, 17 years later.
The Revolving door lounge on my 22nd birthday. with a bunch of my friends, I sang Karaoke up on the stage. Don't be Cruel, by Elvis. Then they give you the cassette tape recording of it to take home. Yes, I still have it. Let me know if you want to hear it. This was a great birthday!
My 30th birthday, was a surprise party at my house. After being taken to the movie, I just wanted to come home. This is how it went. Opened the door, walked in, and lots of people I knew were standing around having cocktails in my dining room. I thought what the hell is going on? Nobody yelled surprise, nobody yelled Happy Birthday! It was strange. Whatever. Will never understand that one.
My 4oth I was in Puerta Vallerta with Chuck and our friends Susan and Nick. Too many marg's but oh so much fun. This was truly a relaxing vacation. Can some one bring me another Margarita please?
My 43rd birthday I saw Barry Manilow in Concert in Las Vegas. It wasn't exactly on my birthday, but it was in Celebration of my birthday. Brian had gotten prime seats on the stage ends. I danced with Barry Manilow. WOW! Won't ever forget it.
Happy 44th! was again spent in Las Vegas with Brian, who made all the arrangements. A terrific dinner, and oh the dessert. and tickets to see Rascal Flatts in concert. A very memorable birthday! I have enjoyed my birthdays spent with him. Thanks B!
Well I enjoyed reminiscing about my birthdays. Oh yeah, there were plenty more that were great, but these stuck out in my mind the most. Happy Birthday to me!
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Eastbound
There is no sleep
only sounds of trains.
My mind running
dusk to dawn
eternity.
I drift along
betrayed by the breeze
and the wind.
My thoughts are gone
like a train
moving through,
moving through.
only sounds of trains.
My mind running
dusk to dawn
eternity.
I drift along
betrayed by the breeze
and the wind.
My thoughts are gone
like a train
moving through,
moving through.
Some Days
I am spent
and my thoughts
still hang on yesterday.
Dodging water puddles
on the sidewalk
I'm restless all day long.
Apart I am
and alone much.
Outside myself I stand
looking back not in amazement
or sadness
I wonder how I came to be here.
You wouldn't like the beach today
the waves are too rough
and the shells are too few.
and my thoughts
still hang on yesterday.
Dodging water puddles
on the sidewalk
I'm restless all day long.
Apart I am
and alone much.
Outside myself I stand
looking back not in amazement
or sadness
I wonder how I came to be here.
You wouldn't like the beach today
the waves are too rough
and the shells are too few.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A Pigeon
A pigeon landed wearily on my windowsill today.
a cloud of feathers and dust,
a mass of flesh and bones.
He huddled himself and slept,
Framed by the rain and night,
His breast rose and fell softly,
One lame foot curled under him.
His feathers, ragged from years of wind and snow.
As I watched, he awoke, opening his eyes abruptly.
And there in the depth of those black pools
Was the agonizing pain of flying for hours in the harsh wind,
The clammy wetness of grass in the park,
The bitter taste of hard bread from the street,
The dulling agony of long cold winters.
So I opened my window to let him into the warm room
And he flew into the rain.
a cloud of feathers and dust,
a mass of flesh and bones.
He huddled himself and slept,
Framed by the rain and night,
His breast rose and fell softly,
One lame foot curled under him.
His feathers, ragged from years of wind and snow.
As I watched, he awoke, opening his eyes abruptly.
And there in the depth of those black pools
Was the agonizing pain of flying for hours in the harsh wind,
The clammy wetness of grass in the park,
The bitter taste of hard bread from the street,
The dulling agony of long cold winters.
So I opened my window to let him into the warm room
And he flew into the rain.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Do you see what I see?
Yikes, it was cold today. -30 degrees windchill, and school was cancelled. We still worked outside as usual, and here are a few things I saw today.
1. Scattered gray bird feathers along with the birds feet. Looks like a cat ate it.
2. The basement of the McDonalds restaurant. That's all I will say.
3. An old man chewing on a chicken bone at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
4. A Fireman
5. Beautiful flower arrangements at the florist.
6. A lost Lassie dog, who would not come to me.
7. A snow angel a child had made.
8. My breath
9. The underside of my work van as I hooked up the log chain to pull me from an unplowed road.
10.Little childrens arms as they reached to hug me at the daycare.
Another great day!
1. Scattered gray bird feathers along with the birds feet. Looks like a cat ate it.
2. The basement of the McDonalds restaurant. That's all I will say.
3. An old man chewing on a chicken bone at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
4. A Fireman
5. Beautiful flower arrangements at the florist.
6. A lost Lassie dog, who would not come to me.
7. A snow angel a child had made.
8. My breath
9. The underside of my work van as I hooked up the log chain to pull me from an unplowed road.
10.Little childrens arms as they reached to hug me at the daycare.
Another great day!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
You find out who your friends are...
During this time in my life when my so called friends began to abandon me as the seperation and divorce caused me pain,I was reminded that my "friends" who don't talk to me anymore, who abandon me when I need them most, really weren't my friends anyway.
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