I think I will.....

Life is all about choices. Everyday, someone or something wants you to make a decision. Choosing is a fact of life that you cannot get away from. Are you going to buy that car, do you take that job or go back to school and get a degree. Do you stay in this town, or do you move away. There are times you made the decision right away with clarity and other times you hoped that the decision would be made for you, because you didn't have the guts to do it yourself. Although what you may not realize, is that in not choosing you were in fact making a choice. The right to choose can be both a burden and a privilege. No matter how hard you try, you cannot not choose.

When one door closes, two more open.

I find it quite remarkable that when you believe you have reached your darkest day and that the doors of life have all shut in front of you, that if you believe in your heart that a better day will come, that day will come true. I kept my head up and my heart open and good things have come my way, not just good but quite remarkable! While my road ahead looked bleak with a job lay off and a heart void of love the doors began to open. Approached by 3 different company's and the ability of staying on with the city has brought a wonderful calm to my life. People in my life have taken on introducing me to some new people which has brought joy to my heart. I now realize what is important in my life and surprising enough the people who mean the most to me have always been right there. A call from someone in my past with whom my heart has much energy with, has given me the capacity to imagine that true love can certainly exist. You see, I still have the same phone number I had in my twenties, I have kept it all these years and wildly enough the person who contacted me had keep it in the address book for more than 25 years. I now believe the most difficult decision in life is knowing what to keep and what to let go. I chose correctly.

Sometime you focus so much on the closed door that you are not able to see that you must only turn the knob.

Taking away a real encounter.

Insist on being the giver and you reduce the other person one step away from being a beggar. If you want to diminish them farther you can simply promise and not deliver, thereby keeping them always waiting, always thinking, always not quite sure. Or you can get others to dance and sing songs for you, promising to reward them for a job well done, and then not ever be quite satisfied with them.

While you might get gratitude for a while, or guilt and tears, you won't get what they had to offer if you'd let them give you what was really in their heart.

It's fear that has captured you

Life takes a lot of courage, often more than we think we've got, and almost always more than we think we should have to find. There are so many battles one has to face with others and with yourself, and sometimes you find you are braver than you think, and sometimes you find you aren't. One never really knows when fear and doubt will hit. I was asked once, "Why do you fear the wind and the rain? Wind moves the clouds and dries the rain." It was at that moment I realized that I had nothing to fear but the habit of being afraid, and at that moment I began to enjoy life again.

A sea of infinite possibilities

No one knows much about fulfillment except that it's hard to find, and maybe doesn't exist, and a lot of people who believe in it when they are twenty stop believing in it later on.

Fulfillment is always something the other guy's got, something just over the hill. It's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and catching the brass ring. It's true love, becoming rich, and staying thin. But whatever it is, it always eludes you and keeps you on the run like the carrot on the stick, and even when it bites your line a million times you rarely reel it in.

All of us feel there must be more, but wonder what the more really is, and often the more we yearned for last year isn't enough today. So we wait for something else, something just a little better than what we've got, and often we trade in the thing we have for something we think we should want. We wait for the perfect thing to commit to, the perfect job, the perfect love, and we feel miserable all the while we wait, somehow failing to understand that loneliness lies in the suspended state.

Trust in life

There is a difference between an independence which comes from strength and one which is a retreat from life. While I know we are all afraid of being hurt and take two steps back for every forward one we take, the truth is the moment when we are most ourselves is when we reach out and answer the call from someone else. It is very difficult to accept the fact that there are no guarantees in life, no guarantees that life will progress as it should or that the people you care about will love you back, or even that they will treat you right. But trust in life does not mean trusting that life will always be good or that it will be free of grief and pain. It means trusting that somewhere inside yourself you can find the strength to go forth and meet what comes and, even if you meet betrayal and disappointment along the way, go forth again the very next day.

Still here...Sorta

Just a short note. Things have been really a mess around here. (My house). I got divorced in May. (Nobody understands). I'm working 40 hours a week and looking for a new job. (This one is ending). I'm tryng to raise a 7 year old. (Alone). Who participates in 4 sports, Sunday school, Cub Scouts and more. (I need to see my day planner) It's been a difficult time. (Overwhelming). Without support or help from family or friends. (Okay maybe 2 friends). Sorry if I have disappointed you. (How do you think I feel?).