Preserved heart

He leaned back against the desk, arms crossed. "But he was someone you loved?"

"Yeah" she replied.

"Well then don't forget him, don't be afraid to talk about him."
He continued, "Love remembered is maybe the best thing about love,
when your in the middle of it you don't recognize it, and you ignore it.
But it's like rain, you didn't know how much you needed it,
until it stops."

Embrace

Time has gotten away from me again, and I am buried in a pile of notes, practice tests and drawings of cells and tissues. My life is being taken on a topsy-turvy ride, and all I can do is hang on. I have always found this piece interesting.

EMBRACE

You know the parlor trick.
Wrap your arms around your own body
and from the back it looks like
someone is embracing you,
her hands grasping your shirt,
her fingernails teasing your neck.

From the front it is another story.
You never looked so alone,
your crossed elbows and screwy grin.
You could be waiting for a tailor
to fit you for a straitjacket,
and that would hold you really tight.


Billy Collins

All in a day.

Well opted out on the rodeo last night. Decided I needed to study. (Thanks for understanding, rain check see ya tuesday night!) Slept in a little too late. Did the toy run. It's basically toys for tots but done on motorcycle. Hundreds of people on motorcyles ride from one end of town to the other. Drop off toys at Whiz's (bar) food provided and drinks available. This is always a great time. I wore my new bling belt and could have sold many!

Went home to study more. Not feeling to positive about this test. Cells and pictures of cells really are not my thing. Hey, but I will do the best I can!

Hey long story short, thanks for the flowers, your always sweet on me. txt1- thanks for the compliment, you're so silent!

Bling!

Went to the rodeo last night, and will probably go back tonight. Got the cowboy boots on. And bought me one of the coolest bling belts you have ever seen! I am so lovin my Hummer, my iPhone and my bling belt. I really need to study for my next test, but so much fun stuff going on! Looks like another all night study session!

Love's letter

I look at you
lying by the sea
warm winds blow
tattered flags.
I know how
I came to be here
again.
I saved all those dreams
thinking all the while,
and praying for
but certainly did not expect,
the man who promised forever
would forever love me.
I traveled back to you
with your letter's answer
on my lips.
Yes, I have loved some
but have never been in love
more than now.
Here on our beach
doing familiar things
and making familiar love.
I think I have never
loved you more.

On Monday

I can tell him
whatever is going on
in my life and he will
listen, like it was the
most brilliant thing
he's ever heard.
He is very special.
Always know where I stand
with him
no drama, no games.

Untitled

Whatever we choose to imagine can be as private as we want it to be. Nobody knows what you're thinking or feeling unless you share it.

Emotional archaeologist looking for the root of things

Anatomy test #1 - I mean who doesn't know their anatomy? I did better than I thought I would. 84%! Shit I surprised myself. Let me tell you though, leading up to test one, I have an 8 year old who plays baseball twice a week and football once a week, boy scouts, someone very important to me passed away, I walk a mile a night, work 40 hours a week and take care of a house, yard etc. I squeeze in maybe a night of fun and a Husker game! Holy Crap! You know I've gotta be up all night doing homework and studying! That's why the light is always on! Do I get any sleep? Oh, maybe 3 1/2 hours a night. Hey, sleep is overrated!

In light of all that I have to tell you, about 10 months ago a man I had gotten really close to, decided after quite a few years that he just couldn't handle my shitty days. Some days I am happy and fulfilled, followed by sadness and struggles. Are ya with me? I suppose I had alot of shit on my plate. I believe he enjoyed the wonderful fun times (Oh and there were many that were squeezed in.)

The point I want to get across, is that life, loving and living, certainly is a mixture. A combination of thrill, stimulation, and challenge. It is a source of sadness, anger and apprehension. Life is an event.

I often wonder if he would be proud of my accomplishments. (A in Physics!) then I realize that even my greatest achievements wouldn't have shined bright enough to blind him from my lowest days.

All things contribute to the composition of life.

My Angel

Under a star lit sky
holding her in his arms
he said,

"I want to help you find it,
and I want to be there
when you realize
what it is
you were meant to do."

Corruption

Stories and mind games
promises and fake claims.

I'm not the bad one here
you trample with deceit,
It's torture you employ
your accomplishment complete.

From the corner of my eye
you tell another lie.

You have already lost
so give up your search,
Your wasting your time
you're making it worse.

Your guarded deception
is not just my perception.

Then lies stripped away
all will see your disgrace,
I will be ruined
but your disguise.. now erased.

Big Red Heart

I think what you like
is that
your seeing something
nobody has seen before
in me.
A new found heart
and trying
to figure out
how to use it.

Monday Music

Inspiration.

Lots to think about.

Saturday went to Husker game and a function afterwards with a friend. It was at a house in the country. Lots to eat, music, dancing, bonfire. Today, studied all day and night. While I am studying, the teacher sends more to study on Saturday, and e-mailed even more study material on Sunday. Yikes. It's been a long weekend.

Simply

He's gone.

To be yourself

All our lives, we rework the things from our childhood, like feeling good about ourselves, managing our angry feelings, being able to say good-bye to people we love.


Mister Rogers

I get from you..

Sometimes I wonder
when the rain is fallin'
how I'll ever make it through.
but now your here
asking to stay
your love surrounds me.

Tomorrow

Someone dear to me is dying.
I will miss him.
If you love someone, tell them.

And yet

If I wanted
I'd watch you sleep,
then slip out
into the late night.
I'd talk to the stars
and wish you well,
listen to the sound
of the ocean
and give you your dream.
Then quietly come back
by your side again.
I'd watch you sleep
and yet
not be far from you.

Last State Fair in Lincoln

We had a great time at the Nebraska State Fair. It was the last year it will be held in Lincoln so we made sure we had our pie from the Methodist Church Booth. We bought our beef jerky from the guy in the Devaney building. We looked at all the photo's and played bingo. Walked through the midway for the last time. I've been going to the fair since I was a little girl and I really haven't missed more than 4 of them. Now my son goes every year and he loves it as much as I do. He likes to look at the rabbits and chickens. And we stand around for hours waiting to see if the pig is going to have babies. But they never do while your there waiting. It was a beautiful day. I'm going to miss having the fair in Lincoln.

Tomorrow I will be meeting my lawyer in Lincoln at 8 am. Need to get up early and I have a test tomorrow as well. Seems unusual for me, but I am tired and think I'm going to call it a day. Think I will get up early and study a bit.

No poems or stories today.

For a moment

My brain is a bit mushy from study Anatomy. Last week I didn't know what Epicondyle or Parasagittal meant. Today I know where Lambdoidal suture is in the cranium.
Yikes!

Your tender hand
reaches up and brings me
a rainbow.
Your love overwhelms me,
I see you smile.
We hold each other tight
beneath a starry sky
and you love me
just enough
to make me wonder.

Husker Football!

Wow, a huge backyard party! We went to the Governor's Mansion for his annual backyard cookout. He has one before the first Nebraska Football game. It was packed to say the least!. We spent quite a bit of time looking for a place to park our big H2hummer, and during that time the line was not getting shorter. Sooo..since we had been before, we didn't go.

We pulled into a parking garage, and the attendant said, "Wow, you only have about a 2 inch clearance, but I think you'll be fine." So we start driving in, but she forgot about the little arm bar that lifts up so you can go in. Well, that was our extra 2 inches and we busted it off. Not much we could do about it now! We were so close to the cement beams that when I looked over at Reed, he was ducking while we were in the Hummer!

Stopped at our favorite before game spot, met our friends and had a quick one!

It was a 6 pm game and the weather was beautiful. We didn't have tickets, but were able to get some quick and at a good price just holding up our fingers indicating how many tickets we wanted. We sat on the East side, 50 yard line about 30 rows up. Great seats! (Less than face value, I might add).
A great game! Go Huskers!

Untitled

I want you in my eyes
I want you in my arms
Maybe you look like a
doorway to someplace
I've never been.
The feelings that
I've never experienced.

But I know your
going to hurt me
That's right it can
be done.

You see I'm going to go
about this all wrong
then I'm going to drive you away,
I'm going to lose you.
don't tell me I won't.

And then I'll close up like a fist,
and knowing all that
I still find myself thinking

I need you,
and I've never needed anybody.

Today I remember you

Was looking through an old desk drawer. I found this letter from a someone I dated back in the mid 80's. It was in his handwriting.
He died shortly after I received it.

4/16/85
Hi Babe, Here's a copy of your poem for your book. I love it and you very much!

Sippin on a sunkist
nothing to do
why do I work
when the sky is blue

Thinking of you
so nice outside
wish we could
bicycle ride

I work so much
to pay my rent
wish more time
with you was spent

Lets make plans
for a barbecue
I want to spend
summer nites with you

Thought there was no reason
for the things that I do
now I know why
because of you.

May I have your attention please?

Attention:
everything I write here does not pertain to my life. In addition, I don't write about puppies, bunnies and cutie pie stuff. Do you think the shit Steven Spielberg writes, is all about him, or shit that happens to him? Okay.
I'm not too bad at the erotic stuff, although if I put that here..you'd all be trying to figure out if it's you. (Refer to sentence 1, does not all pertain to my life.) Ha!

Now, on we go..

The candle flickers casting long
shadows of the empty frame upon my wall.
A lonely voice in a long still night.
No one hears, tears fall silent.
Wild abandon of my heart,
Object of my passion.

Flip a coin!

Started class tonight Anatomy and Physiology.
I am almost there.
Layoff/Get fucked over is on Friday.
Just going to flip a coin at 4:15pm.
Heads - Take layoff go to school,
Tails - Get fucked take huge paycut.

Technically, either choice is gonna work for me.