Untitled

What is my burden compared to theirs?

P is for Passion

If you live your life without passion, then you need to stop what your doing and find passion.

You should embrace it.

Lie..fe

Lying and living a lie is just a facsimile of a life.

It's not a real life when you are lying and betraying people and pretending to be something your not.

Someday you will decide to tell the truth.

Wow, a whole week has gone past. Where does the time go?

I have been busy trying to get things in order around the house. Selling, cleaning, and painting. I'm getting ready to move. I'm sick of this town and the arrogant people who live here. I spent some time reflecting on some of the people who were part of my life before my divorce. I see now how they lied to me, they were all about being my friend when in reality, they knew my x-husband was having an affair on me. Nobody told me, they all played the game, continuing to lie and even suggest to me to get a divorce, since things were not good.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

Fuck you!

what's going on

What a great day today! I have been working on the house, fixing things I have let go. Although I am not fond of painting, I have been doing so. I have an older two story house and the basement windows are in need of paint and some repair. It is taking much longer than I expected. There will be a time when I will list the house for sale and move. Things are always changing, and I am one to always look ahead and be prepared.

I also have a cabin on the river that needs work, but I definitely want to sell as there is just no time to enjoy being out there any more.

It's time to condense what I have into a smaller package.

fear

My sense of danger all but disappeared
for a brief time without fear.
I became sure of the sky
sure of the sun,
Blind to the scattered things.
I uncovered my heart
and there it was
transformed,
and at the last moment
things seem suddenly strange
and beyond my reach.
So not to disturb anyone
as hard as it is
I motion to you.
I grope for your touch
but you do not surrender,
I wither.

Where has the lighthouse gone?

I am wise, but not old
and I have learned
not to fulfill my desires, but to forget them.
and perhaps
beyond the reach of most,is good instead of evil.
A man goes far to find out what he is,
and may find himself in a dark tearless night.
There must be people getting what they want.
Good for them, getting what they want.
The wind whispers, the night still, the air cold.
People getting what they need
they are so happy, they forget about tomorrow.
I drift farther from shore
my hand twirls in the water,
I should have learned to tie a secure knot,
not an acceptable knot, in the rope.
A breeze blows.

Positive comments work better.

Reed (age 9) played football Saturday and Sunday. He really likes to play and although he is not real aggressive, he does a pretty good job. The thing I dislike is when he comes off the field when the game is over and his team didn't win. His dad will be waiting for him, and usually the first thing out of his mouth is negative. On Saturday he said, "You look like a ballerina out there" and then he proceeds to imitate what he felt Reed looked like. How bad that has to make Reed feel. Well, I know how bad he feels, because he tells me.

I don't think his dad really gets it, and it surprises me that his fiance doesn't say anything. Or maybe she does, and she gets the response I used to get, so you just learn to keep your mouth shut. Or maybe the fact that she's 35ish and he's 49 has something to do with it. (But hey, that's a story for another day.)

Comments like that do nothing for this self esteem.

From different points we came

From different points
of the world
we came,
and found
a bit of magic
hovering between us.
From different points
where we once stood
we come,
to hold each other
in a sort of way
that others
only dream of.
The zigzag pattern
of our life,
caused us to part
for a fraction
of time.
A moment in one day
blended our hearts
into one.
Simply together
laughing,
our hearts not knowing
from different points
we came.