Driver Education

I feel another poem coming on
but it must wait.

I'm on the interstate with the cruise on. Speeding along about 15 over the speed limit. In the left lane, I come upon a car in my lane going the exact speed limit. WHY? Who are these people that do not understand they need to get the hell over into the right lane! Slow people to the right, fast people in the left lane. And when I come flying up behind them, instead of getting the hell out of my way, they break and flip me off. Are they idiots? Is this you?

You found me

You fill me with quiet ecstasy
so worth waiting for.
Breathlessly I gaze at you
the magic of our moment
sends moonlit shivers
through and through me
your love pours like vintage wine.
A breath of magic hovering
beneath a starry sky.
You squeeze my hand
for a fraction of a moment
just enough to make me wonder.
You hold me so gently
and let me feel free.
You give me the moon
in the palm of your hand,
you love me
and make me feel calm.

Side by side

I trace your smile with my index finger
It's cold and we warm each other
thinking all the while
how we came to be here.
Your touch is strong enough for me
and we hold on to one another.
I need not forever, only now
I cannot get enough.
You whisper
love is giving
what you need to get.
I wonder if you know
how many conversations
we have had so far
with no words passed.

Svojohism

I do not expect too much. Your Dad was an alcoholic and your mom was trying to raise a family. They never expected much from you. So when someone close to you expects anything, you think it's too much.

Kids have feelings too

Things have been tough for my 8 year old son. I was talking out loud to myself on the drive home about the stresses in our lives due to some big changes, he stopped me and said he had stress in his life too. I asked him, "What stress are you having?" He replied, "Rocket math at school and I never get to see ---- anymore, when I think about it sometimes it makes me cry."

We have had lots of changes in our lives and do not have the same routine. Some people say kids adapt to change well, but I have to differ. Truly his little brain thinks like an adult. He feels what we feel. Pain, loneliness, sadness. enjoyment. He feels loss and has stressful times like an adult. I told him I was there for him, to come to me and talk about those things. When you love each other you do that. He said "Huh uh, you did that at ---- house one night, now he hates you and I hate him."

This person was a huge part of his life for years since he was little and then one day we never see or hear from him again. How am I suppose to explain that?

He's been doing good about sleeping in his own bed at night, but tonight he asked if we could read a book in my bed and I agreed. He fell asleep before the story was over, holding my hand.

Untitled

He drove out of the car dealership with his new car. The cancer was raging through his body now and all that could be done for him was pain management. This was one of the things he wanted before the cancer took his life. A brand new car. The trip to the Bahamas was the other, he wanted to go, he knew he did not have enough time.

His wife of 40 years had left him. The stress she said "was more than she could take". At times he was angry and irrational. But hell, he thought what did she expect from him? Wasn't she able to realize the emotions he was going through, for God's sake? He was dying and only had a few months left, if he was lucky.

It was hard to sleep at night, the pain and his mind kept him up. She had often complained about it, but she had become so distant from him this last year, she really didn't understand what the cancer was doing to him. As he was beginning to fall asleep he wondered, "Did she really leave because everything had become too stressful, or had she simply moved on to a new lover."

In the morning they found him in bed clutching her picture tightly in his hands, and a note on which he had written, simply "Tell her I love her." Death had come during the night, and his last thoughts had been... of her.

My sun and stars are you

I reach out with eager hands and caress your cheek.
Your wants are attended to and I,
under the influence of excitement lead you there.
You have learned to thrill me.
In long tall grasses with sun upon us,
Moaning and moaning and groaning wild,
your every touch sings of the sunset,
whispering under the night sky, counting the stars.
Never wander lonely when the day is dying,
for you have my honest heart forever.

The Drillmeister!

Let me tell you my first experience with a power drill was quite amazing. Not only had I never used on before, I had not even turned one on. (I still haven't found the on/off switch.) I had to use it to drill the holes for the screws to hang the new blinds in my bedroom. This is not something I typically do, but took a shot at it. After borrowing the drill from a friend who had about 8 to choose from, I received a 30 second demonstration on how to change the drill bit to the screw driver part. I forged ahead and did not even drill a hole in my hand! The blinds look great, I am quite impressed with myself. You never know, maybe he will let me keep it.

What are you grateful for?

Things I am grateful for
1. It's Feb and it was 60 degrees and the sun was shining.
2. My son is healthy and terrific.
3. I have some wonderful friends.
4. My house is paid for.
5. I do not have any debt.
6. That I can see to read.
7. I still have all my body parts.
8. My red satin pj's.
9. Company.
10. A date on Valentines Day

Love this song

This has always been a favorite of mine.
I have seen them in concert, they put on a great show.

The courage to be yourself

Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. I've felt that many times. My hope for all of us is that "the miles we go before we sleep" will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring- delight, sadness, joy, wisdom-and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings.

-Mister Rogers

Fork in the road

I applaud myself today for taking the next step into my future. While part of my being is thrilled and so very excited, the other part is somewhat scared, nervous and perhaps hopeful at the least. Am I making the right choice, I have to believe I am, but only a higher power knows the truth.

Ocean walk

A wave splashes
upon the shore
starry skies
as we walk
the sand squishes
between our toes.

The tide comes in
children run and laugh
You stop and look deep
into my eyes.
They are like
pools of water
you always said.

Without warning
you release my hand
from yours
and walk away.
The ocean splashes
a shell on my foot..
It was lovely
but then it broke
Like our passion.

I think I will.....

Life is all about choices. Everyday, someone or something wants you to make a decision. Choosing is a fact of life that you cannot get away from. Are you going to buy that car, do you take that job or go back to school and get a degree. Do you stay in this town, or do you move away. There are times you made the decision right away with clarity and other times you hoped that the decision would be made for you, because you didn't have the guts to do it yourself. Although what you may not realize, is that in not choosing you were in fact making a choice. The right to choose can be both a burden and a privilege. No matter how hard you try, you cannot not choose.

When one door closes, two more open.

I find it quite remarkable that when you believe you have reached your darkest day and that the doors of life have all shut in front of you, that if you believe in your heart that a better day will come, that day will come true. I kept my head up and my heart open and good things have come my way, not just good but quite remarkable! While my road ahead looked bleak with a job lay off and a heart void of love the doors began to open. Approached by 3 different company's and the ability of staying on with the city has brought a wonderful calm to my life. People in my life have taken on introducing me to some new people which has brought joy to my heart. I now realize what is important in my life and surprising enough the people who mean the most to me have always been right there. A call from someone in my past with whom my heart has much energy with, has given me the capacity to imagine that true love can certainly exist. You see, I still have the same phone number I had in my twenties, I have kept it all these years and wildly enough the person who contacted me had keep it in the address book for more than 25 years. I now believe the most difficult decision in life is knowing what to keep and what to let go. I chose correctly.

Sometime you focus so much on the closed door that you are not able to see that you must only turn the knob.