Words of Wisdom

Will you be there?

Went to Michael Jackson's, "This is it"

I have always believed Michael Jackson to be an amazing singer. To think he was able to sing and have his music remain popular for such a huge length of time, his entire life. I did not judge him and his actions like many people did. While I may not have agreed with them, one thing remained constant and that was my unconditional love of his music. He wanted people to see and understand the world, our world, and the people in it. Take the time to listen to this song, and then answer the question,
"Will you be there"

And...

And someone must win
and someone must lose

and always the winner looks proud
and the loser looks forlorn.

Gone

My heart will never find again
the love I found in you,
and whole I will never be
your memories make me blue

The feelings that I once did know
deep inside my soul,
left me fractured, and alone
they take the final toll.

My dear friend

I sit in the beach chair
next to his,
And then I tell him
how I love to run,
but I don't want to run
in a herd

and I don't like watching people
worry about fast and faster and fastest
and about
winning and losing

He is nodding and finally he says,
"You stick to your guns honey"
and I say,
"but they say I will regret it"

and he says,
"Do you think you will regret it?"

And I say,
"No-but they think I am wrong,
that I can't know
what I will regret"

and he says,
"When I stopped running races
everyone told me I was wrong
and everyone told me I would regret it"

He looks at the photo of himself
with the trophy.

I ask him,
"And did you regret it?"

He shifts his gaze to me-
"Not for one tiny minute"
he says.

Occasional Affirmation

Trust is held in our hands as an object crafted from the finest glass. One jolt or touch and the whole thing will shatter.

Vanished

Hope has closed the only door,
and thrown away the key
thick blackness slowly covers her,
until she cannot see.

In the end a salty lake,
where no one stops to pause
No tender kiss, no strong embrace,
a silent last applause.

It's what you do about it.

Justice does not exist.

This is not a sour view of the world
but instead an accurate report
of what the world is like.
Justice is simply a concept.
But we tend to demand that fairness
be a part of our relationships
with others.

"It isn't fair"
"Would I do that to you?"
These are the sentences we use when we
seek justice, and we use the lack of it
as a justification for our unhappiness.

If someone decides to love another,
they are not being unfair,
they are simply being.

Whatever the reason, it has
nothing to do with you.

Choose to see this as
something between two people
rather than something
against yourself.

The upset rest solely
on your own shoulders.

Just wait.

Grandma used to always tell me
don't run out
when a boy came over
to my house.

Wait, make him
come to the door
and get you
like a gentleman.

Pausing for a moment,
but a moment only
and down the driveway gone.

If she was still alive
I would tell her,

No worthwhile dream
comes around full circle
to a certain end.

Then

And I can see
blue sky again,
not just remember
what it was like.

A brighter smile
released me,

by taking you away.

Run

In the middle of the dark night
I ran
I pound the dirt
with my feet
and ran farther and faster,
as if I could run
right out of my life.

Recipe

I, with eyes wide open
take our polite talk, my smiles
and your deep affection
into my heart and stir them around.
Wondering what I will get
from the ingredients I have
and the ingredients you provide.
Will we get a big pot of Gumbo?
I add spicy, you turn up the heat.
Don't be afraid to savor the taste
If you are consistent with the
ingredients, sparing nothing
you will grow fond of the recipe
and enjoy it time and time again.

LOVE

She tried to get it
like a ball in a dogs mouth
She tried to pull it away
he wouldn't release it.
She tried to sweet talk him
into giving it to her.
He wagged his tail and looked at her
He wouldn't let go of it.
She got tired of trying to get it
so she walked away.
The dog ran after her
got in her way
dropped the ball on the ground
at her feet
wagged his tail.
She smiled and reached down
to pick it up
He snatched the ball before
she could get it
and ran away with it,
again.

Fool

You left me, left me holding the bag
Letting everyone think they were right
That I was a fool to get involved with you
Now it leads up to tonight.

Gasping for your last breath
I'll turn to you and smile,
Then leave you standing in the rain
Laughing all the while.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Well I finally got my computer back from the "The Computer Guy". It was in his possession for a period of time. Now that I have it back and it seems to work better, I will be able to write again. The shitty part is he pretty much wiped it clean. Not real happy with that. You get it back, and you just feel "naked", because your missing...well everything.

It's 34 degrees and they are forecasting snow.

What the fuck?

It's gonna be a long winter..

Slip away

Tears cut like drops of acid
as they etch into my face,
Your memory etched upon my mind
never to be erased.

That day you truly do forget
will be the saddest day of all,
A living dream you hold so dear
with a face you can't recall.

Banish kid boredom!

Keep the kids entertained!
Remember this fun one person skit?

Fold a piece of paper or even a napkin back and forth so it resembles an accordion.
This is your costume. When each character speaks, hold the costume in the appropriate place. For each character use the appropriate voice. Perform your skit quickly and calmly!

Ready?

"You must pay the rent!"
(Villain-hold the paper as a mustache)

"I can't pay the rent!"
(Woman-hold the paper as a bow in your hair)

"You must pay the rent!"
(Villain-hold the paper as a mustache!)

"I can't pay the rent!"
(Woman-hold the paper as a bow in your hair)

"You must pay the rent!
(Villain-hold the paper as a mustache)

"I'll pay the rent!"
(Hero-hold the paper as a bow tie)

"My hero!"
(Woman-hold the paper as a bow in your hair)

"Curses! Foiled again!"
(Villain-hold the paper as a mustache)

"Eavesdropping"

Glad your back! You know I have been all about the mushy stuff lately.

You know..sometimes she leads with her heart and that gets her into trouble. She will forgive you a thousand times, whether your deserve it or not. She will believe in you whether you deserve it or not.

You can be at an incredibly low point, then you remember that she loves you. You can't imagine the good feeling you get knowing that there's somebody out there who loves you, no matter what.

Leads with her heart

A tender gentle heart so true
crushed by disreguard
Set adrift upon a sea lof lies
forever to be scarred.

I dare to give my heart and soul
leaving doubt behind
Searching for the magic
that's impossible to find.

Ramblin'

Fun last night.
Good movie.
Country dance bar.

New short haircut..
I like!

Study today
Test on Tuesday.

Have you ever eaten
a can of Hormel Chili
over bread on a plate?

Just wondering..

Just an average day..

Study, study, study, study.
Open a can of pop, study.
Answer the phone, send a text, study.
Bathroom break!
Study!, molecules, biological oxidation,
pyrimidine bases, DNA strand,
WHAT THE HELL IS Phosphodiester??

I'm going out tonight..

Long story short, thanks for the beautiful flowers!
H2fixer, you are great company, what would I do without you?
Salon P, YOU can do hair!
DEd, the answer is????

Exchange

I gently brush away your hair
slowly caress your cheek
Slip my hand hehind your neck
to study your physique

I stare into your hazel eyes
to see your inner flame
The sweetness of your lips on mine
beginning now our game

Forbidden corridor

You left me with a gaping hole
where love, once did reside
You've stolen all I had to give
with nothing left to hide.

All but lost remembrances
that scent you used to wear
The loss of breath, to hear your voice
your fingers in my hair.

Address in the Stars

Why did you have to leave me,
you were too young to die.
I trace your name
with my finger
on your headstone.

Struggle

Once looking deep into your eyes
I saw the love I craved.
You held me tight in your embrace
and rest your lips on mine,
My heart it soared to hear you laugh
and ached to hear you cry.

Now in the aftermath
I find no peace at night.
No safety of your scent
no eye contact to be made,
Fighting back my urges
I will suffer in denial.

Clench of a madman

Your hand slips into my chest
and wraps around my heart
squeezing every last breath of life
right out of me.
It's what you wanted
a feeling of drowning
a street with no light.
Sacrificed as just a pawn
in a hateful lovers game.
Damaged by deceit
In sorrows hand
I lay my heart.

Hush Hush

When they said they needed an extra I thought they were kidding. Don't blink, you'll miss it. What a great song!

Preserved heart

He leaned back against the desk, arms crossed. "But he was someone you loved?"

"Yeah" she replied.

"Well then don't forget him, don't be afraid to talk about him."
He continued, "Love remembered is maybe the best thing about love,
when your in the middle of it you don't recognize it, and you ignore it.
But it's like rain, you didn't know how much you needed it,
until it stops."

Embrace

Time has gotten away from me again, and I am buried in a pile of notes, practice tests and drawings of cells and tissues. My life is being taken on a topsy-turvy ride, and all I can do is hang on. I have always found this piece interesting.

EMBRACE

You know the parlor trick.
Wrap your arms around your own body
and from the back it looks like
someone is embracing you,
her hands grasping your shirt,
her fingernails teasing your neck.

From the front it is another story.
You never looked so alone,
your crossed elbows and screwy grin.
You could be waiting for a tailor
to fit you for a straitjacket,
and that would hold you really tight.


Billy Collins

All in a day.

Well opted out on the rodeo last night. Decided I needed to study. (Thanks for understanding, rain check see ya tuesday night!) Slept in a little too late. Did the toy run. It's basically toys for tots but done on motorcycle. Hundreds of people on motorcyles ride from one end of town to the other. Drop off toys at Whiz's (bar) food provided and drinks available. This is always a great time. I wore my new bling belt and could have sold many!

Went home to study more. Not feeling to positive about this test. Cells and pictures of cells really are not my thing. Hey, but I will do the best I can!

Hey long story short, thanks for the flowers, your always sweet on me. txt1- thanks for the compliment, you're so silent!

Bling!

Went to the rodeo last night, and will probably go back tonight. Got the cowboy boots on. And bought me one of the coolest bling belts you have ever seen! I am so lovin my Hummer, my iPhone and my bling belt. I really need to study for my next test, but so much fun stuff going on! Looks like another all night study session!

Love's letter

I look at you
lying by the sea
warm winds blow
tattered flags.
I know how
I came to be here
again.
I saved all those dreams
thinking all the while,
and praying for
but certainly did not expect,
the man who promised forever
would forever love me.
I traveled back to you
with your letter's answer
on my lips.
Yes, I have loved some
but have never been in love
more than now.
Here on our beach
doing familiar things
and making familiar love.
I think I have never
loved you more.

On Monday

I can tell him
whatever is going on
in my life and he will
listen, like it was the
most brilliant thing
he's ever heard.
He is very special.
Always know where I stand
with him
no drama, no games.

Untitled

Whatever we choose to imagine can be as private as we want it to be. Nobody knows what you're thinking or feeling unless you share it.

Emotional archaeologist looking for the root of things

Anatomy test #1 - I mean who doesn't know their anatomy? I did better than I thought I would. 84%! Shit I surprised myself. Let me tell you though, leading up to test one, I have an 8 year old who plays baseball twice a week and football once a week, boy scouts, someone very important to me passed away, I walk a mile a night, work 40 hours a week and take care of a house, yard etc. I squeeze in maybe a night of fun and a Husker game! Holy Crap! You know I've gotta be up all night doing homework and studying! That's why the light is always on! Do I get any sleep? Oh, maybe 3 1/2 hours a night. Hey, sleep is overrated!

In light of all that I have to tell you, about 10 months ago a man I had gotten really close to, decided after quite a few years that he just couldn't handle my shitty days. Some days I am happy and fulfilled, followed by sadness and struggles. Are ya with me? I suppose I had alot of shit on my plate. I believe he enjoyed the wonderful fun times (Oh and there were many that were squeezed in.)

The point I want to get across, is that life, loving and living, certainly is a mixture. A combination of thrill, stimulation, and challenge. It is a source of sadness, anger and apprehension. Life is an event.

I often wonder if he would be proud of my accomplishments. (A in Physics!) then I realize that even my greatest achievements wouldn't have shined bright enough to blind him from my lowest days.

All things contribute to the composition of life.

My Angel

Under a star lit sky
holding her in his arms
he said,

"I want to help you find it,
and I want to be there
when you realize
what it is
you were meant to do."

Corruption

Stories and mind games
promises and fake claims.

I'm not the bad one here
you trample with deceit,
It's torture you employ
your accomplishment complete.

From the corner of my eye
you tell another lie.

You have already lost
so give up your search,
Your wasting your time
you're making it worse.

Your guarded deception
is not just my perception.

Then lies stripped away
all will see your disgrace,
I will be ruined
but your disguise.. now erased.

Big Red Heart

I think what you like
is that
your seeing something
nobody has seen before
in me.
A new found heart
and trying
to figure out
how to use it.

Monday Music

Inspiration.

Lots to think about.

Saturday went to Husker game and a function afterwards with a friend. It was at a house in the country. Lots to eat, music, dancing, bonfire. Today, studied all day and night. While I am studying, the teacher sends more to study on Saturday, and e-mailed even more study material on Sunday. Yikes. It's been a long weekend.

Simply

He's gone.

To be yourself

All our lives, we rework the things from our childhood, like feeling good about ourselves, managing our angry feelings, being able to say good-bye to people we love.


Mister Rogers

I get from you..

Sometimes I wonder
when the rain is fallin'
how I'll ever make it through.
but now your here
asking to stay
your love surrounds me.

Tomorrow

Someone dear to me is dying.
I will miss him.
If you love someone, tell them.

And yet

If I wanted
I'd watch you sleep,
then slip out
into the late night.
I'd talk to the stars
and wish you well,
listen to the sound
of the ocean
and give you your dream.
Then quietly come back
by your side again.
I'd watch you sleep
and yet
not be far from you.

Last State Fair in Lincoln

We had a great time at the Nebraska State Fair. It was the last year it will be held in Lincoln so we made sure we had our pie from the Methodist Church Booth. We bought our beef jerky from the guy in the Devaney building. We looked at all the photo's and played bingo. Walked through the midway for the last time. I've been going to the fair since I was a little girl and I really haven't missed more than 4 of them. Now my son goes every year and he loves it as much as I do. He likes to look at the rabbits and chickens. And we stand around for hours waiting to see if the pig is going to have babies. But they never do while your there waiting. It was a beautiful day. I'm going to miss having the fair in Lincoln.

Tomorrow I will be meeting my lawyer in Lincoln at 8 am. Need to get up early and I have a test tomorrow as well. Seems unusual for me, but I am tired and think I'm going to call it a day. Think I will get up early and study a bit.

No poems or stories today.

For a moment

My brain is a bit mushy from study Anatomy. Last week I didn't know what Epicondyle or Parasagittal meant. Today I know where Lambdoidal suture is in the cranium.
Yikes!

Your tender hand
reaches up and brings me
a rainbow.
Your love overwhelms me,
I see you smile.
We hold each other tight
beneath a starry sky
and you love me
just enough
to make me wonder.

Husker Football!

Wow, a huge backyard party! We went to the Governor's Mansion for his annual backyard cookout. He has one before the first Nebraska Football game. It was packed to say the least!. We spent quite a bit of time looking for a place to park our big H2hummer, and during that time the line was not getting shorter. Sooo..since we had been before, we didn't go.

We pulled into a parking garage, and the attendant said, "Wow, you only have about a 2 inch clearance, but I think you'll be fine." So we start driving in, but she forgot about the little arm bar that lifts up so you can go in. Well, that was our extra 2 inches and we busted it off. Not much we could do about it now! We were so close to the cement beams that when I looked over at Reed, he was ducking while we were in the Hummer!

Stopped at our favorite before game spot, met our friends and had a quick one!

It was a 6 pm game and the weather was beautiful. We didn't have tickets, but were able to get some quick and at a good price just holding up our fingers indicating how many tickets we wanted. We sat on the East side, 50 yard line about 30 rows up. Great seats! (Less than face value, I might add).
A great game! Go Huskers!

Untitled

I want you in my eyes
I want you in my arms
Maybe you look like a
doorway to someplace
I've never been.
The feelings that
I've never experienced.

But I know your
going to hurt me
That's right it can
be done.

You see I'm going to go
about this all wrong
then I'm going to drive you away,
I'm going to lose you.
don't tell me I won't.

And then I'll close up like a fist,
and knowing all that
I still find myself thinking

I need you,
and I've never needed anybody.

Today I remember you

Was looking through an old desk drawer. I found this letter from a someone I dated back in the mid 80's. It was in his handwriting.
He died shortly after I received it.

4/16/85
Hi Babe, Here's a copy of your poem for your book. I love it and you very much!

Sippin on a sunkist
nothing to do
why do I work
when the sky is blue

Thinking of you
so nice outside
wish we could
bicycle ride

I work so much
to pay my rent
wish more time
with you was spent

Lets make plans
for a barbecue
I want to spend
summer nites with you

Thought there was no reason
for the things that I do
now I know why
because of you.

May I have your attention please?

Attention:
everything I write here does not pertain to my life. In addition, I don't write about puppies, bunnies and cutie pie stuff. Do you think the shit Steven Spielberg writes, is all about him, or shit that happens to him? Okay.
I'm not too bad at the erotic stuff, although if I put that here..you'd all be trying to figure out if it's you. (Refer to sentence 1, does not all pertain to my life.) Ha!

Now, on we go..

The candle flickers casting long
shadows of the empty frame upon my wall.
A lonely voice in a long still night.
No one hears, tears fall silent.
Wild abandon of my heart,
Object of my passion.

Flip a coin!

Started class tonight Anatomy and Physiology.
I am almost there.
Layoff/Get fucked over is on Friday.
Just going to flip a coin at 4:15pm.
Heads - Take layoff go to school,
Tails - Get fucked take huge paycut.

Technically, either choice is gonna work for me.

No real end

I have thought about it,
late into the evening
Stars shining, the moon is low.
I was the opening you came through
to get to the other side.

Although I feel spent
I cannot dispose of
Your meaningless words
premeditated.
Your indifference
unobserved.
Your love
manufactured.
Waiting in the darkness
you took the privilege
to puncture my life
cause damage and distress.

When your glad adventure
you so skillfully completed
comes to haunt you in the dark,
you will spend night
after night,
trying to erase the pain
that has no place to go.
You choose an ending
that has no
end.

The heart..helpless

At that moment she turned her back to him and left.
He stood there, in that now empty room,
wondering what he had just done.

He caught up to her behind the curtain, on stage and
touched her shoulder. She turned to him, surprised.

Caressing her bare shoulder ever so lightly
with his fingertips, he spoke.
"I guess I didn't know you were sweet and thoughtful
and fun and crazy, and so attentive...and gentle...
I didn't realize how much..how much you loved me.

Something, someone..

She turned to him and said, "I kept thinking that there was something more to you. That despite what you show to everyone else...this other side of you..something decent and honorable. You don't show it to anyone else because your afraid they might exploit it. But you let me see it, and I thought I was so special because you let me in. You let me see the real you."

He listened.

She continued, "But I was just fooling myself. You know what? This is so sad, for someone so smart, you sure are stupid. You could have had something so much better...you could have had something..someone..who had real feelings for you. Who believed the best about you. You could have had me....I guess the truth is - you already did."

Just trying to keep up!

First things first!
Checked online for final Physics grade...
I got an A! Am I amazing or what?
(Shit, I can't believe it!)

Wednesday August 19-They were moving 4 houses to a different location. My son wanted to watch (ok I did too). So we got up at 1am which was actually...
Thursday August 20-very early in the morning.
Moved the houses during the night,
because of traffic.
It was exciting. I knew the mover, the guy who bought the houses and was having them moved and the electrical crew who was moving the electrical wires. (Impressed my son, if no one else). Reed decided he was going to be a house mover when he grows up.
We stayed out till 4:30am.
Reed with his Dad after work for dinner (and his girlfriend and her kids).
I added the part in parenthesis, just because.
Out to dinner with a friend.
Friday August 21-Took the morning off,
should have taken the whole day off.
Reed and I went to dinner.
He had his friend Garrett over who spent the night.
Saturday August 22-Reed and I went to the movie.
Went with friends to a BBQ and dance outdoors.
It was beautiful out. Reed and other kids played with the football.
I had a marvelous time! Thanks!
Sunday August 23-Church, groceries, Reed had another friend over.
We all went to "the club" swimming. Charged lots of snacks and drinks to x-husbands account. Reed said it was ok with Dad, so.....
Mowed the grass. See it's not all fun and games.
Monday August 24-Another Monday at work, only one left till the lay off date. I'm ok, really! Shopping with Reed, more school clothes.
Ate at Buffalo Wild Wings. What? they took out the game where you shoot deer?
Hot wings, then to TCBY for ice cream.
Sort of a tradition.
Today August 25Meet your teacher night at Reed's school.
Can he actually be a 3rd grader?
I promise more poetry, as you have asked.
A bit of fiction too.

Time fly's when your..having fun!?

Reed's baseball team won the championships!
Received trophies. 1st place 2 years in a row.
Proud of you Reed! Your the best!

Thursday August 13-My final Physics test. I'm always last to hand it in. So he grades it while I wait.
Wait for it...
80%! Yikes that was close!
Need to log in to college website to get final grade.
Should be arriving soon!
Friday August 14-Day off from work
That's all I will say.
Saturday August 15-Worked around the house,
movie, and dinner. Think I said Mmmmmm all through
dinner. Delicious! Dessert? Yes! Warm fudgy chocolate
cake with cinnamon ice cream. Mmmmmmm.
Sunday August 16-Motorcycle ride, worked on
my photo album. Reed home from his vacation!
Did he get taller?
Monday August 17-Up really early.
That's what friends are for!
Thanks for coming! I owe you one! Or two
Busted my ass at work. Mowed the lawn.
Hung out with Reed.
TODAY August 18-Busy as hell at work.
Every time the phone rings
I hate Alexander Graham Bell
A little more!
Reed's friend and his mom came over.
Had a Mike's Hard Lemonade on the porch.
Walked them part way home
Stopped at another one of Reed's friends
Had a glass of wine.
Huummm, stay home mom's....
I like how they end their day!

I want of your love

Without knowing how, or when or where
I want to love you
Without problems or uncertainty
Because I don't know
Any other way to love

I want to love you
in this way

I want to breathe
you in
I want to share
Your air inhaling what you
exhale I'd love to be that

Close two of us breathing
Each other as one

I want to wake up together
Exchange kisses
Without thinking
Without surprise
Clasp our hands together

I want to love you
in this way

White Horse

Previous 5 day forecast

Where did the last 5 days go?
Thursday-Physics test 95%
Do I know this girl genius?
Fuck you (00000) for
spending all your time
focusing on my weaknesses
and being blind to my strengths!
One more test to go!
Then out for a little dancing!
Friday-Out with friends-Good
Dog ran away-Bad
Called someone who I thought
would care.
They didn't.
Saturday-Got woke up early
Feels good!
Breakfast
Evening get together
Sunday-Just boxing stuff up
Talked to son
Movie with friend
Monday morn-Up early again!
Stop that!

Batter up!

My 8 year old son's baseball team played in the championships tonight. They had a great coach. The boys really learned alot. It was a great game, a close game! They WON! They received trophies and I think I took 100 pictures! Reed was last up to bat, hit one into the outfield and brought the last guy home.

Talkin' bout love

To love means never to be afraid
of the windstorms of life.
Should you shield the canyons
from the windstorm,
you would never see
the true beauty
of their carvings.

-Elizabeth Ross

Four

What happens
in the first 4 minutes
dictates
what will happen
the rest of the day

Adventures and Encounters

Following a small path
in the woods
crunching the leaves.
Waves upon the shore
the ocean, new to you
I was there.
Looking out upon the city lights
Scanning the night
polished nightstars,
Everlasting hike
Pools of water
glinting and hanging with mist
I was there.
Another night
much later now
No rain forest or rainbow
they're gone away
Stoic patience
I was there

Oh, what to do.

Well I am 2 days into Reed being on vacation with his dad. Only 15 more days to go. While of course I will be having extra time to finalize on the house stuff, the fact remains I get sorta use to having him around. Now I will be wondering what he's doing. (Chuck not real big on letting him call.)

Started out with going to a party.
Coming home because of a storm.
(Storms kinda freak me out)
Stayed up late.
Was woke early. (Yes, Good!)
Taken out for breakfast.
On my way to a road rally
And dance tonight.

I think I will be kept busy.

The Brave One

Identity Parade

All I want to know
Is how did I get so fucking lucky?
Hey A#3 stop being a jerk,
Yeah, Whatever isn't going to get you far.
The crystal ball says "If you ask them to dinner
Don't fuckin' make them pay for
Their own meal." If you want them to,
Then you say let's go dutch. Okay?

(00000) I heard someone from the City
Reported that the huggin' tree was
Diseased and dead
And had to be chopped down.
Good.
One less thing that reminds me of,
Well....bullshit you invented.

And you, CP30 took me for a walk,
Oh,you sure talked the talk.
Let me be the first to toss
Rose petals at the lovely couple.
Don't let her know all those green backs
Aren't really yours.

Let me think, yes then there's 007,
You got something going for you
At least your up front about things
You know what I'm talkin' bout.
Could you just pick a side
And stay with it.
Heard you only had 4 years or so left

Hey N, thanks for the treadmill
Now at least when I spend my life
running and getting nowhere
I got something to show for it.

Wanda, I always thought
pink looked good on you.
Is Mike still there?
He's gotta be getting old.

I always bail at the last minute
so, Black and White I got nothin'
for you. You have at a minumum,
WOW... 21 people who think your great.
I'm not worried about you being
Left out.

This is Sounding Off
just well....Sounding Off.

To Whom It May Concern:
89% Test
See if I hold the fucking door
for the Teach when he's got
Taco Bell in one hand
and Subway in the other.

Oh DEd, I didn't forget you!
You wouldn't really sell
the HUMMER. Would You?

Things be gone

Wonderful things they are. Garage sales. Why do we keep all the crap we do, I mean what is the point. I have been selling stuff, donating things for about 4 months. Getting rid of things actually feels good. It's scary at first, but then it grows on you. 2 more big items went this week. Not that they are necessarily BIG, but they connected me to the past, but now they are gone. Yes, the big wicker chair I bought with my graduation money. Loved that chair, sold it. You know it just won't fit in the U-Haul of my life. Second item. A star fish. Oh, not any old star fish but a real one I got in Seattle. I had to pull it off the rock, (it was alive) of course then I didn't know the smell would be so bad. Kept it in the car, under the car, at lastly it came home in the suitcase. It smelled nasty, but this star fish made it. Today it left in the trash truck. You know I am a little emotional about it, but on the other hand it had as many bad memories as it did good.

Bye Mr. Starfish

Story telling

He's all of just 8 years old, but speaks with thoughts and words of someone much older. As we are driving along in the car he is discussing the movie we just saw. He is vibrant and energetic. Then, as he is describing a part in the movie, he says "You know (OOOOO) would have liked that one part, you know if he loved us like he use to love us, I would tell him him about it, and we would laugh together."

Then silence. Vibrant, energetic stops in a slit second.

Potential Energy

He opens the door, "Hey what's going on?"
"Hi, not much, got an A on my test!", I reply.
His office has a welcoming feel to it,
like home, comfortable.
A place for understanding.
I slip off my sandals and sit cross legged
in a large overstuffed couch,which engulfs
my whole being.
"Things must be going well,
there seems to be a consistency
in your attitude!" he exclaims as he sits down.

Smiling, I say "You know, I just want to tell you
how much I appreciate how you've guided me through
a difficult time in my life."
He leans forward and says, "We all struggle
with things in our lives. Some keep it to themselves, and others like yourself, have the ability to vocalize,
communicate, openly express what's on their mind.
When you come upon something challenging in your life,
you put it in your hand, turn it over, question it and
want to know all there is to know about it."

I nod my head and smile as he dispenses
his perception of me.
He continued, "You are authentic and open, and those
who are not, have difficulty with this."
"Tell me about it!" I exclaim.
He laughs, leans back in his chair and runs his hand through his hair.
"You know, fundamentally we're all a bunch of nut cases,
so next time you begin to judge or analyze someone,
try to remember that!"
Laughing,I slip on my sandals and stand up.
"You've seen me during my best and worst times haven't ya!" I exclaim.
and before I could say another word, he replied,
"Yeah, and your harmless!"
I just shake my head and laugh.
"Later genius" he says smiling.

Round Two

Well I came out swinging in Round 2!
Physics is not going to kick my ass!
I got the scores from my next test and I got a 90%!
The neighbor asked me when I sleep
because the light is always on.
I told him sleep was over rated
and there would be plenty of time for that,
in my many years ahead.
I have learned that an important thing for me
is my power of choice..my option to feel how I chose to feel,
do whatever I choose to do
and be whomever I choose to be.
Life lives on the tip of my tongue.
Things go well because I say so.
Unfortunately,
the opposite is also true.

Knock Out Punch

Sorry for the many blank spots lately.
I'm taking a Physics class that is trying to kick my ass.
You notice I said trying?
Test#1 kicked my ass, but Test#2 I put the gloves on and came out fighting.
After studying until 4am every morn.
(There's your answer to what I'm doing up late every night)
I got an A.
Right now, in my mind-the touchdown celebration dance.
You know what I'm talking about!

Another test tomorrow, fall asleep with book in my hands tonight.
It's worth it, trust me.

Monday Music

A little monday music for YOU! The Best Days Of Your Life!

Happy Independence Day!

Happy 4th of July!

My absence

Sorry - there has been no blogging due to medical issues.

I'm just thinking..

I'm getting too old for this!

Sunday Sentiments

Svojohism

If you don't follow your heart,
you live with regrets.

This is true

My lawyer called me at 6pm tonight regarding a personal issue.
I mentioned that it was past 5pm and that he was working a bit late.
He replied, "Yeah, a little bit, but that's ok."
I said, "Well, it's not always ok."
Howard, who is in his late 60's laughed and replied,
"You know what my dad always told me?"
"What? I asked curiously.
"You know what you get when you work late?"
"What?"
"Nothing! he laughed, "So I better get home!"
"Good advice!" I said quickly.
And with that said, he hung up.

They said, "Who are you?"

I was told yesterday I was...interesting. Then they asked, "What is Judy really about?" Here is what I said..

1.I like big trucks and fast cars.

2.I began traveling alone at age 18. My friends couldn't afford it or weren't independent enough, but that wasn't keeping me from going.

3. When I was 20, I went to Florida on vacation, ending up working, opened a savings account, stayed with numerous people I met while I was there, ended up staying 2 months, met a wonderful man who asked me to marry him. Said no, when I should have said yes.

4.I rode my bike across Iowa (event is called Ragbrai), and across Nebraska into Colorado, slept in a tent, showered in makeshift showers, and carried my supplies and clothes on my bike.

5.I value your opinion and will hear your opinion, but will most likely disagree. Having differences is good, not a bad thing, you never have to worry if I am telling the truth and there's always something to talk about.

6.Hard physical labor does not scare me. I can mow, dig with a shovel, cut tree branches, sweat, get my hair messed up, climb a ladder and clean the gutters. Yet, if you pick me up later "I clean up ok." Ha.

7. I do not pretend to be something or someone I am not.
8. Ran across the Golden Gate Bridge.
9. I am very loving and take love serousily.
10. Have a hard time sleeping.
11. Enjoy writing about emotions and reactions.

Well, of course there are more...another time..

Dreamtime reality

Carefully, he set his wine glass on the table and, taking a slow breath, stood from the couch.
"I'm hearing you tell me there's no way back for us."
His voice was tender as he met her eyes. Becca looked at him.
"I'm so sorry I broke that thing inside you called hope. I'm so sorry I hurt you so badly...."
He trailed off. In the firelight, Brad thought she had never looked more beautiful. Her hair caught fragments of light and cast them off like a halo.
"I'm going to be the man I promised I would be. Deep down you know that no one loves you the way I do. No one gets you, the way that I get you. Tell me you know.." Becca looked away.
Brad gently turned her face back to him. "I will do whatever it takes...Put me back home again."
"Don't break my heart again." She said quickly, and without another word she kissed him, brushing her lips softly against his, once, then twice, before meeting them for good....

Another tough weekend

Worked my ass off this weekend.
Got dirt all over the hummer.
As I was hauling the dirt, I got pulled over by the cops, while drinking a Smirnoff, without my drivers licence, not wearing a seat belt, in a extra skimpy bikini top.
Nope didn't get a ticket.
But got a date!

Trade

Emma always
Liked to share
So
When she died
We felt no guilt
At taking the flowers off her grave
And selling them door to door
Until we had
Enough to buy
Ice cream

Take me out to the ball game!

You want to see a kid get the biggest smile you have ever seen? Take him to a Royals baseball game and watch as a player coming off the field tosses a ball up to him!

Advice at a price..

Taking a tissue from the box on the table besides her, she wiped her tears. Looking up for the first time since she entered his office she watched as he slowly turned his chair towards where she was sitting on the sofa and said, "Aren't you really just hurting inside?. I want you to understand it comes out as anger, because that's the safest way to express your pain." Pushing the strand of blond hair away from her eyes, she looked up at him and listened. He continued, saying "because if your pain comes out as anger, nobody can hurt you, because your doing the hurting." She nodded her head acknowledging what he said. There was silence for a moment or two, then he smiled and leaned forward in his chair and said, "The pain will go away, remember he let something that you both valued, slip through his fingers." He turned his chair towards his computer and began to look at his schedule. Knowing that meant her session was over, she stood and stepped towards the door. Taking the appointment card from his hand she said, "You know, it seems like we tend to hurt those we are closest too." He nodded in agreement as she left.

Angry

There are times when I am very angry
and I say things that are mean
and nasty
but I am just so hurt inside
and my heart is so sad
that
There are times when I am very angry

We caught the big one!

The big day! Free fishing day! On Saturday our State Lakes offered free fishing for kids. This is a yearly event. Arrive at lake 3,sign your name, they give you a prize, a pole and a bag of worms.
Reed and I have participated 4 years now and he looks forward to the thrill, the outdoors, the free hot dogs and pop! He brought his friend Noah who also enjoyed the hot dogs (4 to be exact). So in a nut shell it went like this. Check in, get our prizes, oh thank you for the bag of chicken liver in blood. We will save that for another time. Are you sure we didn't win that fine fishing pole instead? Down to the waters edge. Bait Reed's hook with a worm, help him cast it out, take the hook out of Noah's coat sleeve. Cast out again. Bait Noah's hook, cast. Turn around and Reed has reeled his in already with large quanities of moss attached. Cut a worm in 1/2 (hey we need worms over here) bait, cast and before I can wipe the worm... uummm..stuff on my pant leg, Noah's line is caught on a stick. This went on for maybe... 15 minutes when I suggested they hike around the lake to see if anyone is catching anything.

Aaaahhhh, peace and quiet..I actually enjoy fishing. I sat in the chair holding the pole, remembering the days when our whole family would load up in the Buick LTD and park right along the highway and fish in the creek. I remember it like it was yesterday, catching catfish, having Dad take it off the hook. I, being a bit of a Tom-boy enjoyed fishing more than my brother. I felt some kind of silent bond with my Dad because of this.

I am suddenly awakened from my thoughts as I feel a tug on my line, I mean Reed's line. Just as I was hollering "I got a bite" Reed and Noah run up with hot dogs in hand and ketchup on their faces. I hand the pole to Reed and he reels in a Enormously small Bluegill. Now we have a small group gathered as 2 of the neighbor kids and their Dad run over to help. (Stand back, I may be a woman but I can take the fish off the hook by myself!!) So I get out some heavy brown construction worker gloves to man handle this mighty fish. The photographer for the newspaper runs over and snaps a picture of Reed holding the fish and his buddy Noah with his arm around Reed. Proud fisherman! After a few failed attempts to get the hook out, I hand the fish to my neighbor, Scott and he takes the hook out. The fish falls to the ground and 4, eight year old boys clamor to pick it up. After a bit a excitement, Noah grabs my glove, puts it on, picks up the fish and holds it high like a mighty warrior with his sword. Then throws it back...

WOW..a few seconds go by, and I hear Noah say, "Now what? I'm bored".

So as I pack up my fishing gear in the tackle box I have had since I was 11, the boys run off to get another hotdog. They bring one for me and after wiping some slime off my hands onto my pants, I savored my hotdog and free fishing day. For kids of course!

Some Voodoo for you!

Read with caution!

About 10 years we went to New Orleans. Saw many sites and experienced much. They are big into Voodoo there. I went into a shop. Yes, As evil looking as it is I bought a Voodoo doll. We laughed about it, made fun of it and the whole Voodoo thing. But I am telling you...It works..I am serious. It has a couple black pins with it. The note that came with it explained that as chant the person's name,your suppose to poke the pins in it. Evil will come to them. ooohhhhh are you scared? Maybe your on my list. A little tennis elbow, your knee ache today, twist your ankle? Hhuummm beware of the Voodoo doll.

Don't make me mad! Or beware!

Occasional Affirmation

A commitment is more than an agreement.
You make an agreement from your mind.
You discover your commitment in your heart.

Get Your Kisses Here!

Smooth..and nice. My teeth that is...
No more metal in my mouth.
A guy at work today asked me what it was like for me to kiss with braces on.
He's been wanting to ask.
Wow, kinda personal huh.
So I grabbed him and laid one on him..
HA! Just kidding.

Off they go!

After 18 months, my braces come off tomorrow. I am looking forward to this. Once again I will be able to bite into something. If your polite you don't do that with braces because, well I'm sure you can figure that out. No more sore teeth, or ripped up insides of your mouth. Nice smile instead.

Out to In

Due to the Utilities Company installing radio frequency meters, I am now in an office sitting at a desk with no window. I have now gone from the great outdoors, and walking 6 miles a day, to fluorescent lighting and sitting on my butt at a computer. Quite a drastic change wouldn't you say? Even though I am pleased that I am employed, I am displeased that I don't know what the weather is like, and I am certainly going to have to buy my tan this year. Of course, now I get to blog while I'm working and e-mail my friends and that's all well and good, but I do miss the sun on my skin and the wind messing up my hair.

Baseball

A poem by my 8 year old son Reed

baseball baseball, pow, bam, slide
baseball is so awesome
I really like to play
run the bases, don't get me out
hit the ball, whack!
Hey batter, batter..
strike! your out!
baseball baseball, pow, bam, slide.

Quiet memories of past

Exhaustion had become a permanent fixture in her life, Becca still awoke feeling...tired. Unfocused and out of sorts. Most of the time she contributed it to the hectic life she was living, many times she wondered if it wasn't clinical depression, she had a few of the symptoms... "lethargy, without reason or cause." Well she did have a reason...
What she really needed was a little quiet time down at the beach laying in a beach chair sipping a margarita, without facing any decision except whether or not she was going to walk along the waters edge a little longer.
She was tired of being alone, of waking up in an empty bed. In the first months after Joe left, Becca couldn't even imagine loving another man again. It was as if the feelings for male companionship didn't even exist.
Time passed and eventually so did the numbness she had grown accustomed to. In it's place, reality settled in. As much as she tried to move on, Becca always found her thoughts drawn to Joe. It seemed as if everything reminded her of him.
She loved the way Joe looked when he slept, one arm resting above his head, the rise and fall of his chest when he breathed, and he always smelled like...well, he smelled like him, and now it was getting even harder to remember what that was like. That..saddened her most of all.

Occasional Affirmation

There comes a point in life
when you sometimes
have to give yourself
what you wish
you would get
from somebody else.

A bit of my day

It was a beautiful day and I worked indoors which pretty much sucked. Reed spends Thursday after school with his dad, so that gave me time to come home and mow. I went to Reed's baseball game at 6:30pm. He played well and I enjoyed talking to Denise. She always has a story that makes me laugh. Reed and I went to Zesto before going home and had our favorite raspberry sherbet. The owner of Zesto is a good guy and a car nut like me and he gave me the thumbs up when he saw I was driving the Hummer. He yelled through the order window, "Did you find a place to park that thing?" I answered, "Yeah, but the owner of that car I drove over might not be too happy!" and he tipped his head back and laughed!

After ice cream, we went home and Reed and I got ready for bed. He didn't use shampoo to wash his hair, he only got it wet, so I made him get back in the shower and do it again. He was not happy about this at all. When he was done he seemed to be sad and even said that he was. He gets that way sometimes. He wanted to be held and rocked. I carried him up to bed and tucked him in and silently wished for his sadness to go away. I am very tired as I haven't been getting much sleep lately. So I blog a bit and go to bed myself.

What are you grateful for?

A few things I am grateful for...

1. My laptop
2. Peanut butter and butter and grape jelly on my morning toast.
3. My arteries are not clogged from all that butter.
4. My Hummer. I just love it. You would love it!
5. When my 8 year old son says "I love you my little honey bunny!"
6. The yard fairy who raked my yard.
7. Buffalo wild wings and Mike's Hard Lemonade.
8. My gift of poetry writing.
9. My braces come off my teeth in 3 weeks.
10. My friends who understand who I am and what I am really about.
11. Diet Coke.
12. The gift of sight.

Evening Collection

It was a calm cool evening. Sitting on the porch swing contently wrapped in my old green blanket, a train whistle blows and I can hear it clearly through the leafless trees. A small fountain in the neighbors yard splashes, his dog drops the large bone onto the front porch and it sounds like a hammer, pounding on wood.

A car drives past. My other neighbor arrives home. "It's a beautiful night to be sitting on the porch" she yells, while petting my dog.

The man across the street goes for his evening walk which consists of going out his back door, up the driveway and in his front door. He's living out his wonderful golden years.

I marvel at the stars as I go inside.

Svojohism

I'm good with weird,
Weird is normal to me.

For Thom

I do not know which road
is the sure one.
We all know time
to be the meanest thief,
and why is an explanation
always needed for tears.
I wish for you a messenger
come down from heaven
and fluff your own pillow
and whisper in your ear.
Sorrow is not sorrow
when it is shared,
only when done
in the dark alone.
Remember
I will walk with you
down dark streets
when your tears
come down like rain.

Advice at a price

Leaning way back in his office chair with hands clasped behind his head, he said, "You have to know this was not about you. This is about his deficiencies, his inadequacies, his immaturity." She kept her head turned slightly away from his and her long blond hair fell aside her face and blocked his view of her tears.

"It's been said a man's got to know his limitations" he continued. "He lied to you, he didn't show up, he didn't have the courage to look you in the eye and tell you." She nodded her head but still did not speak. He leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees and said, "Maybe you won this thing. Maybe you lost a loser. You may have dodged a bullet. He didn't step up and tell you the truth." Knowing he was right, she nodded her head in agreement.

He turned his chair towards the window and pulled the cord on the blind and raised it slightly, looking into the parking lot to see if his next client had arrived. Turning back around he said, "Same time next week?" She stood and put her hand on the doorknob. "Yeah, that's fine" she replied. He handed her an appointment card. She forced a small smile said, "Thanks, see ya." She opened the office door and left.

So I said, "You think that's big!"

So I said, "You think that's big!", originally uploaded by Bryan Ledgard.

This was on an e-mail going around. It claimed to be a quote from Andy Rooney on the show 60 minutes. It was so FUNNY I wanted to share it with you. Sorry guys...

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Music intertwined with my heart

Another Rascal Flatts...close your eyes and listen.

Svojohism

When somebody says one thing
and they do another,

What they do is true and
what they say is camouflage.

Stinkin' Turkey

I did something really stupid the other day. I went down the basement to get something out of the freezer. When I went to retrieve it, I realized it was at the bottom. (Why is that?) So, I moved the frozen pizza, took my 14lb. turkey out and set it on the floor. I retrieved what I wanted and went upstairs.

Couple days later, I went back down to get something else from the freezer and tripped over the turkey I had left to thaw on the basement floor. (By accident of course.) I'm thinking, was that yesterday I left this out? HHuummm... maybe I can just cook it. (I'll smell it first I thought.) So I sliced open the bag and almost fell to the God Damn floor. Holy shit, the smell was bad. Nope, won't be cooking this turkey. I put it in a Walmart bag and put that bag in a Walmart bag, and continued to do this until I used up all those stupid Walmart bags.

Then I'm thinking...I'm not putting this God forsaken turkey in my trash outside. So I loaded it in the pickup bed of my new hummer (I love my hummer!) and drove to some dumpy apartments, went thru the alley and tossed it in their dumpster. That will scare the neighborhood cats away, maybe even the neighbors too!

Moral of the story? Don't be a fucking tight ass and even consider cooking meat after it thawed on the basement floor. After thinking about it I realized it was out for 5 days. Oh, and what ever you do...DON'T CUT THE BAG OPEN TO SMELL IT!

Meanwhile and since then...

Promises of undying love
Have melted
Now it is over.
It wasn't very long
And I can say good-bye
Without regrets
(Or at least a few) and
Softly
Wave away your face.
But I can wish
And truly do,my dear
That you had know me
In the summer months

Long late shadows
Mixed with emotions unspent
I am golden-bright
Softly tattered.
The silent
Crease lines of confusion
Disappear from in between
Into laughing cheerful smiles.

And I'm silent again
No more heart on my sleeve
Suddenly everything we had in common
Melted in the patio sun.
Outside was my favorite shade of outside
Now I see your face
In a misty fog
Which steams the glass
On bathroom windows.

You could have asked how much time was spent
Making funny faces or walking in the waves
Instead you listened to the way I am
And you understood when you saw me draw a smile
on the bottom of my paper cup

Wish I could give you a name
You could wear like the time of the day I wake up best.

Svojohism

What brings us together, will tear us apart.

Wanna play a game?

I've got a new game for you. Come on and play with me. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

1. True or False. A H2 Hummer (SUT) gets 10 miles to the gallon. Answer...True! I bought a sweet white 2005 on Valentines Day. I love it!

2. True or False. The Easter bunny hides Easter eggs in high places (like trees, up on the swing set, or on the hood of your car. Answer....False! The Easter bunny is small and can only hide eggs as tall as he is!

3. True or False. Everything is a gift if you're simply willing to look at it that way. Answer....True! Everything in life in my opinion is a gift from God if you're just willing to unwrap it and see the present.

4. Multiple choice. If your child gets taken from a public place, He/she should...
a. Try to fight them off
b. Yell-Help me, Help me!
c. Yell your not my mother!, your not my father! Your not my parent!
d. Ask the abductor for a resume and interview.

Answer....C. This will get more attention, because kids are always getting hauled out of Wal-mart by their ear yelling help. Someone is more likely to take a kid serious if he's yelling your not my Dad!

5, Multiple choice. The phrase...If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it was yours, if it doesn't, it never was. IS...

a. True
b. Something your mom said cuz she didn't want to hear you crying about some loser boyfriend you had in High School.
c. Fucked up!
d. A quote by 2 ugly, fucked up, trolls living under the bridge.
e. _________________________ (Choose one of the above or make up your own!)

Your Final Answer is....Send me your answer as a comment and I will post the results!!

Thanks for Playing!!

Could you tell me where the fiction section is?

When he arrived, she was in the porch swing. He didn't think she was going to make it. He held her in his arms and tried to stop the bleeding where she had slit her own throat, her eyes stared blankly into his. What would bring her to this? He then saw the letter she was clutching in her bloody hand, a letter he had written just the day before full of apologies, and a final goodbye. The sirens screamed as they got nearer, he now had come to the realization that she had taken her own life... or had he taken it from her?

The love of it all!

On Friday, I came to the end of a long journey. I no longer read meters. Due to the city installing radio frequency electric, gas and water meters there is now no need to have people walk and read them with their eyes. Oh, technology is a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong, I mean where would we be with out cell phones, computers, i pods, digital TV, and even self check at the grocery store? Unfortunately what comes with it sometimes is the loss of jobs. Just think next time you check your own groceries at the store, you have just replaced a person. Look over at the check out employees, they are making an income by checking groceries..your checking your own, your not getting paid. Seems kinda senseless doesn't it?

I was very lucky to have been able to read meters for almost nine years. Being in the outdoors away from the watchful eye of my employer. No phones ringing, fluorescent lighting, stale air. I delighted in seeing the first crocus and daffodil peeking through the dirt. Working in the country, leaning over the whitewash fence to rub the nose of my favorite horse. Watching the deer run through the trees next to me. Petting all my favorite dogs. Riding a farmers 4-wheeler through the cornfield, or a golf cart at the golf course just to read a electric meter. Hearing the wind blow through the evergreen trees on a quiet morning, and the first birds sweetly sing as spring was beginning and winter was coming to a close. Taking time to play on a little girls swing set who was dying of cancer, going down her slide and listening to her laugh, and riding a sled with some kids down a huge snow hill.

I can't forget working in a blizzard with 20 degree below wind chill and having my hair freeze or falling into a fish pond covered in snow. After climbing out, my pants froze solid in a matter of minutes. Rain coming down so hard it was like standing in a shower. Getting bit by dogs (6 in all, the most recent was on my birthday March 10th.) Breaking my ribs, stepping on a nail (and pulling it out!).

Yes, I will miss all of it. It's funny that sometimes when I was in the midst of all of it, it wore on me and I would wonder if I enjoyed my job. But as I reflect back on the highs and lows, I now realize how lucky I am to have experienced every minute of it.

Feelings...whoaa...feelings..

The magical thing about writing stories or poetry is how it makes me feel.

You cannot have a feeling (emotion) without first having experienced a thought. A feeling is a physical reaction to a thought.

Simply put, if you believe that things or people make you unhappy, you are inaccurate. YOU make yourself unhappy because of the thoughts that YOU HAVE about the people or things in your life.

You can begin to think of yourself as truly intelligent on the basis of how you choose to feel in the face of trying circumstances. Life struggles are pretty much the same for each of us. Everyone who is involved with other human beings in any social context has similar difficulties. Disagreements, conflicts and compromises are a part of what it means to be human. Those who recoginize problems as a human condition and don't measure happiness by an absence of problems are the most intelligent kind of humans we know.

Blue eyes

Do you mean
to tell me
that you
didn't know
I'd care?
Did you really
think I'd laugh
and walk
away?
How small you must have
thought me,
if even
for a moment
you believed
that to be true.
So much time
since you have
longed for my
touch, my voice.
I whisper
come back to me
but you
will never come
yours eyes
those sweet blue eyes
told the truth.

Forgotten hours

New love
I am touched
by the magic
of your sounds
surely this is what
life always had in store..
you make me ache for you
always hungry
always glad
always wanting more
still feeling
your hands
and kisses
on my legs
yet fearing
you will vanish
from what we created
side by side
last night.

On the bench

My heart is flooded with emotion
You turn and smile
it warms my heart
as it did in the past
Why do I plan lifetimes
that include you?
She brings you a calm
and a peace
I wasn't able to provide.
Shes so nice you say
giving you comfort,
friendship,
love and
companionship
you used to come
to me for.
All your new insight
is with her.
I was..
your practice, warm up
to the real game
Now realizing
I won't be your first string,
for in this game of life
the coach plays his
best players.

Driver Education

I feel another poem coming on
but it must wait.

I'm on the interstate with the cruise on. Speeding along about 15 over the speed limit. In the left lane, I come upon a car in my lane going the exact speed limit. WHY? Who are these people that do not understand they need to get the hell over into the right lane! Slow people to the right, fast people in the left lane. And when I come flying up behind them, instead of getting the hell out of my way, they break and flip me off. Are they idiots? Is this you?

You found me

You fill me with quiet ecstasy
so worth waiting for.
Breathlessly I gaze at you
the magic of our moment
sends moonlit shivers
through and through me
your love pours like vintage wine.
A breath of magic hovering
beneath a starry sky.
You squeeze my hand
for a fraction of a moment
just enough to make me wonder.
You hold me so gently
and let me feel free.
You give me the moon
in the palm of your hand,
you love me
and make me feel calm.

Side by side

I trace your smile with my index finger
It's cold and we warm each other
thinking all the while
how we came to be here.
Your touch is strong enough for me
and we hold on to one another.
I need not forever, only now
I cannot get enough.
You whisper
love is giving
what you need to get.
I wonder if you know
how many conversations
we have had so far
with no words passed.

Svojohism

I do not expect too much. Your Dad was an alcoholic and your mom was trying to raise a family. They never expected much from you. So when someone close to you expects anything, you think it's too much.

Kids have feelings too

Things have been tough for my 8 year old son. I was talking out loud to myself on the drive home about the stresses in our lives due to some big changes, he stopped me and said he had stress in his life too. I asked him, "What stress are you having?" He replied, "Rocket math at school and I never get to see ---- anymore, when I think about it sometimes it makes me cry."

We have had lots of changes in our lives and do not have the same routine. Some people say kids adapt to change well, but I have to differ. Truly his little brain thinks like an adult. He feels what we feel. Pain, loneliness, sadness. enjoyment. He feels loss and has stressful times like an adult. I told him I was there for him, to come to me and talk about those things. When you love each other you do that. He said "Huh uh, you did that at ---- house one night, now he hates you and I hate him."

This person was a huge part of his life for years since he was little and then one day we never see or hear from him again. How am I suppose to explain that?

He's been doing good about sleeping in his own bed at night, but tonight he asked if we could read a book in my bed and I agreed. He fell asleep before the story was over, holding my hand.

Untitled

He drove out of the car dealership with his new car. The cancer was raging through his body now and all that could be done for him was pain management. This was one of the things he wanted before the cancer took his life. A brand new car. The trip to the Bahamas was the other, he wanted to go, he knew he did not have enough time.

His wife of 40 years had left him. The stress she said "was more than she could take". At times he was angry and irrational. But hell, he thought what did she expect from him? Wasn't she able to realize the emotions he was going through, for God's sake? He was dying and only had a few months left, if he was lucky.

It was hard to sleep at night, the pain and his mind kept him up. She had often complained about it, but she had become so distant from him this last year, she really didn't understand what the cancer was doing to him. As he was beginning to fall asleep he wondered, "Did she really leave because everything had become too stressful, or had she simply moved on to a new lover."

In the morning they found him in bed clutching her picture tightly in his hands, and a note on which he had written, simply "Tell her I love her." Death had come during the night, and his last thoughts had been... of her.

My sun and stars are you

I reach out with eager hands and caress your cheek.
Your wants are attended to and I,
under the influence of excitement lead you there.
You have learned to thrill me.
In long tall grasses with sun upon us,
Moaning and moaning and groaning wild,
your every touch sings of the sunset,
whispering under the night sky, counting the stars.
Never wander lonely when the day is dying,
for you have my honest heart forever.

The Drillmeister!

Let me tell you my first experience with a power drill was quite amazing. Not only had I never used on before, I had not even turned one on. (I still haven't found the on/off switch.) I had to use it to drill the holes for the screws to hang the new blinds in my bedroom. This is not something I typically do, but took a shot at it. After borrowing the drill from a friend who had about 8 to choose from, I received a 30 second demonstration on how to change the drill bit to the screw driver part. I forged ahead and did not even drill a hole in my hand! The blinds look great, I am quite impressed with myself. You never know, maybe he will let me keep it.

What are you grateful for?

Things I am grateful for
1. It's Feb and it was 60 degrees and the sun was shining.
2. My son is healthy and terrific.
3. I have some wonderful friends.
4. My house is paid for.
5. I do not have any debt.
6. That I can see to read.
7. I still have all my body parts.
8. My red satin pj's.
9. Company.
10. A date on Valentines Day

Love this song

This has always been a favorite of mine.
I have seen them in concert, they put on a great show.

The courage to be yourself

Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. I've felt that many times. My hope for all of us is that "the miles we go before we sleep" will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring- delight, sadness, joy, wisdom-and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings.

-Mister Rogers

Fork in the road

I applaud myself today for taking the next step into my future. While part of my being is thrilled and so very excited, the other part is somewhat scared, nervous and perhaps hopeful at the least. Am I making the right choice, I have to believe I am, but only a higher power knows the truth.

Ocean walk

A wave splashes
upon the shore
starry skies
as we walk
the sand squishes
between our toes.

The tide comes in
children run and laugh
You stop and look deep
into my eyes.
They are like
pools of water
you always said.

Without warning
you release my hand
from yours
and walk away.
The ocean splashes
a shell on my foot..
It was lovely
but then it broke
Like our passion.

I think I will.....

Life is all about choices. Everyday, someone or something wants you to make a decision. Choosing is a fact of life that you cannot get away from. Are you going to buy that car, do you take that job or go back to school and get a degree. Do you stay in this town, or do you move away. There are times you made the decision right away with clarity and other times you hoped that the decision would be made for you, because you didn't have the guts to do it yourself. Although what you may not realize, is that in not choosing you were in fact making a choice. The right to choose can be both a burden and a privilege. No matter how hard you try, you cannot not choose.

When one door closes, two more open.

I find it quite remarkable that when you believe you have reached your darkest day and that the doors of life have all shut in front of you, that if you believe in your heart that a better day will come, that day will come true. I kept my head up and my heart open and good things have come my way, not just good but quite remarkable! While my road ahead looked bleak with a job lay off and a heart void of love the doors began to open. Approached by 3 different company's and the ability of staying on with the city has brought a wonderful calm to my life. People in my life have taken on introducing me to some new people which has brought joy to my heart. I now realize what is important in my life and surprising enough the people who mean the most to me have always been right there. A call from someone in my past with whom my heart has much energy with, has given me the capacity to imagine that true love can certainly exist. You see, I still have the same phone number I had in my twenties, I have kept it all these years and wildly enough the person who contacted me had keep it in the address book for more than 25 years. I now believe the most difficult decision in life is knowing what to keep and what to let go. I chose correctly.

Sometime you focus so much on the closed door that you are not able to see that you must only turn the knob.

Taking away a real encounter.

Insist on being the giver and you reduce the other person one step away from being a beggar. If you want to diminish them farther you can simply promise and not deliver, thereby keeping them always waiting, always thinking, always not quite sure. Or you can get others to dance and sing songs for you, promising to reward them for a job well done, and then not ever be quite satisfied with them.

While you might get gratitude for a while, or guilt and tears, you won't get what they had to offer if you'd let them give you what was really in their heart.

It's fear that has captured you

Life takes a lot of courage, often more than we think we've got, and almost always more than we think we should have to find. There are so many battles one has to face with others and with yourself, and sometimes you find you are braver than you think, and sometimes you find you aren't. One never really knows when fear and doubt will hit. I was asked once, "Why do you fear the wind and the rain? Wind moves the clouds and dries the rain." It was at that moment I realized that I had nothing to fear but the habit of being afraid, and at that moment I began to enjoy life again.

A sea of infinite possibilities

No one knows much about fulfillment except that it's hard to find, and maybe doesn't exist, and a lot of people who believe in it when they are twenty stop believing in it later on.

Fulfillment is always something the other guy's got, something just over the hill. It's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and catching the brass ring. It's true love, becoming rich, and staying thin. But whatever it is, it always eludes you and keeps you on the run like the carrot on the stick, and even when it bites your line a million times you rarely reel it in.

All of us feel there must be more, but wonder what the more really is, and often the more we yearned for last year isn't enough today. So we wait for something else, something just a little better than what we've got, and often we trade in the thing we have for something we think we should want. We wait for the perfect thing to commit to, the perfect job, the perfect love, and we feel miserable all the while we wait, somehow failing to understand that loneliness lies in the suspended state.

Trust in life

There is a difference between an independence which comes from strength and one which is a retreat from life. While I know we are all afraid of being hurt and take two steps back for every forward one we take, the truth is the moment when we are most ourselves is when we reach out and answer the call from someone else. It is very difficult to accept the fact that there are no guarantees in life, no guarantees that life will progress as it should or that the people you care about will love you back, or even that they will treat you right. But trust in life does not mean trusting that life will always be good or that it will be free of grief and pain. It means trusting that somewhere inside yourself you can find the strength to go forth and meet what comes and, even if you meet betrayal and disappointment along the way, go forth again the very next day.